|| Tr3p|D4+0r || Learning How To Smile

I'm an eager snapper!

2011-10-25T00:04:00.005+08:00

I've only just started doing photography as a hobby v ery recently and I have to say, I am really enjoying it. Yes, you do need to spend money. The money you can spend, the better equipment you can get.

I haven't really found a niche or genre or type of photography that I'm inclined towards. However I find that I enjoy taking photos of people a lot. Most of my shots have people in them, people I know. Strangers? Street photography? I tried it before, I'm still pretty hesitant snapping pictures of people I see or meet on the streets. Landscape? Well, I have tried it a few times, but I'm unlikely to spend an entire day just taking landscape photos. Well, maybe not yet.

I'm still learning. My photos aren't that great (yet). Yes, I guess I have gotten lucky a few times and got some nice shots but a goor photographer gets it frequently.

Anyways, I've got a photography assignment coming up! Wooooot! First! Ezza's engagement!

Mind you, I'm doing this as a favour, for free, 'cos for me, it's more an opportunity to try out such an event more than an opportunity to make money. I'm not there yet. One thing I'm sure though - I'm excited!

Recently I stumbled upon this website for renting camera gear - The Camera Library. I know there are lots of other rental sites out there but I like the simple yet informative layout. Very easy and straightforward. Plus they do deliveries albeit to an MRT station of your preference. It's my first time renting glasses so I can't wait to use them!

With the consideration that most Malay engagements (including Ezza's) are held at the bride's home, low-light and space are my key considerations when choosing the lenses to rent. Using a 70-200mm in a HDB apartment is not impossible, but I don't think it's appropriate for this situation, especially when I expect there will be a crowd.

So what did I choose? First up is the Sigma 50mm f/1.4 EX DG HSM. Based on several reviews, this Sigma is better than Canon's 50mms. In any case, it's the only 50mm Camera Library has. The f/1.4 aperture will be very useful in the low-lit apartment. Yes, it'll be in the day but the natural won't be illuminating the whole house evenly. Ezza doesn't have a glass ceiling. Plus, I'll like to try out the bokeh at apertures wider than f/3.5 of my basic lens.

The second lens is the Canon EF-S 17-55mm f/2.8 IS USM. Wider aperture again. Image stabilization. Ultrasonic motor. This isn't really necessary but I thought, hey, since I'm renting, why not just try it out? Apparently this glass is pretty good.

I know photography is more than just lenses and equipment, but it won't hurt to use good tools to help you get good results. After all, it's a friend's engagement. I want to be able to give her some quality work.

That's why I've been reading up and watching videos on Youtube about wedding photography. Ya, it's engagement, but isn't the concept similar?

I'm glad I've got this as a hobby. An outlet for my creativity. Yay!

Level up! Photography kit!

2011-09-27T22:59:00.001+08:00

I finally bought e Canon 320Ex. That means that my DSLR kit consist of:

Canon EOS 600D
Canon EFS 18-55mm f/3.5-5 IS II kit lens
Canon EF 75-300mm f/4-5.6 III USM telephoto lens
Canon Speedlite 320EX
2 x batteries
2 x 16GB memory cards
1 x 8GB memory card
1 x Circular Polarising Lens
1 x wireless remote shutter
1 x tripod
1 x Digi-Cabi 30l dry cabinet
Crumpler 5 Million Dollar Home camera bag
Crumpler camera bag insert
Various cleaning tools
Several photography magazines & one book

It is very possible that I could have exceeded $3k just on photography. I don't really mind. It was something I've always wanted to try.

However, now that I've got e 320Ex, I should not be buying any other accessories. True, some of e items aren't much in terms of quality and performance (I'd like to try the Canon L lens some day!) but unless I can generate an income from photography OR my disposable income has increased, what I have should cover whatever I may want to do.

Maybe the only thing I'd consider buying is a camera backpack (such as the Lowepro Versapack 200AW) for travelling conveniences but its not urgent.

So now, my focus will be going out there and take lots of photos and learn new things.

It's gonna be fun!

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the longest, the most meaningful, the most cherished..

2011-09-20T15:41:00.001+08:00

22 months and many, many more to go :-)

Feels longer, though. I'm loving every second of it :-D

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2011-07-31T12:05:00.001+08:00

I think I should declare this outright. My job is not my life. It is my source of income. I enjoy doing what I do (most of the time). But it is not my life.

My life is defined by what I do outside my job. My family. Silat. Hobbies. Friends. Definitely my Dearest.

My job allows me to pursue my life. That's why I chose this job. But my job is only 1/3 of who I am. That's because it only occupies 10 days out of every month (excluding courses and whatnots).

So people may continue to hate me. Spite me. Be jealous. Be envious. Complain. Whatever. Cos I know there's more to life than my job.

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Of Books, Bikes and Beds

2011-05-21T19:29:00.007+08:00

Honestly speaking, I'm materialistic. Especially since I've started work. Perhaps it's kind of a payback for not getting the things I wanted when young(er), or I'm just not thrifty with my money.

I'm pretty much a gadget boy. I look for things with new or different features. Special pockets. Cool software. Only thing that has stopped me in the past (and now as well) is my lack of a deep, deep pocket. So I'm pretty happy with that. If I have the money.. GOSH!

Anyways, this is pretty much for recording purposes as well as for me to keep track of the things I want. In no order of merit (or desire). Am I gonna get them all? Unlikely. But, I do hope I can cross out most of them.. eventually.

1. Notebook.

This is easy enough. Working shifts like mine at a workplace with no wired internet connection, my HTC Desire Z has been an awesome asset to drown away the boredom. However, I do have a life beyond my occupation, with little personal projects on the side. Design. Editing. Writing. Those kind of stuff.

Yes, I do have a PC, but it's not like I can bring it to work, no? (That being said, I *actually* cannot use a laptop during office hours.. but Firemen rule no. 1 comes to play here - You can do whatever you want, just don't get caught :P )

Anyways, since I first used a Mac duri

ng DMC, I've kinda wanted to own a Mac one day. So naturally, it's the brand I'll go for if I wanna buy a laptop. No competition.

That was until I stumbled upon this:

Pretty cool, huh? It's definitely something different. I'm willing to try it out, should I have the money to splurge on a Notebook.

2. Ducati Monster vs Suzuki GSX

Now, I do not have a Class 2 QDL yet. I can only take it next year. Doesn't mean I shouldn't start considering my options :P

Ducati? Need I say more? Perhaps I'll have to elaborate more on the choice of the Monster over, say, the Hypermotard.

I've never been inclined towards racing bikes, even less for scramblers. I kinda like the look of naked bike, especially when it's as powerful as the Monster. The Monster.. its power is enough to awe.

So why then is my second option the Suzuki GSXR, well it's Keen's preference. Personally, I'd choose Suzuki B-King or GSR600. Like I said, naked but powerful :P

3. Bed

This may seem a weird thing to include. Hear me out. My room is kinda crammed. PC table. My wardrobe. Queen-sized bed given to me by my aunt. I like my bed, but I don't mind getting something smaller and give the bigger bed to my mom. So yes, off "researching" I go!

These are two day-beds sold in Ikea. What's cool about these two is that they can easily 'transform' into a bigger bed! The frame with the drawers can actually extend and thus you can put another mattress on it! Plus it has those drawers. More drawers are always a tick in my list :P (told you I'm crazy about features :P)

Big bummer? They cost nearly $800, without mattress(es). Sigh

Other option? Sofa bed. Specifically, like this:

Can find something like this much much cheaper than the Ikea day-beds. Still prefer those, but if I really am getting a new bed at a lower budget, this might be the choice.

*************************************

Naturally, I've not decided on which is the one I'll choose for each of the category. That's the whole point of this post. For me to ponder. Who knows, I may find another option another time :P

Meet Ahmad Canon

2011-04-01T10:05:00.001+08:00

And so I bought myself a Canon Eos T3i 600D. Yay to new hobby!

I don't know why but we guys like to name our gadgets and stuff, no? Okay maybe not everyone but I do. My bike is Phi (named after my favourite Jabbawockeez). My Desire Z is DiZzy. (D-Z, get it?) Guess what's the cam's gonna be called?

Dee named it Ahmad. Ahmad Canon. Don't ask me why, go ask her -_-"

But I noticed that these fav gadgets of mine.. they all have male names. Ok DiZzy may go either way but ya.. guy names for a straight guy's gadgets??

That's cos there's only one gal in my life. No other female names in my mind besides my GF, my mom, my sis and her kids.

Noooow.. what other gadget shall I get? Hehehehe!

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Androidified

2011-03-23T07:47:00.001+08:00

Hello bloggy! No, my blog has not been forgotten, just not tended to. I hardly update my FB status nowadays.

But what I've been up to lately (besides the usual Keen+Work+Silat+Life) has mostly revolved around my new favourite gadget: my HTC Desire Z, aka DiZzy!

I've read all e Harry Potter books in the ebook form on DiZzy. I fanatically check-in where ever I am on my Foursquare. I check my Facebook. Surf the net. Play Pokemon Sapphire on e Gameboy emulator. Play Words with Friends and Restaurant story and a few other games.

I love DiZzy! ^_^

I'm thinking of getting a DSLR. Currently, Canon EOS 600D caught my eye. That'll be interesting. I've long wanted to get a DSLR so if I got e cash, one item off my checklist.

Oh and I'm using an app on DiZzy to blog!

I love DiZzy!

But I love Keen moooore!

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The Revival of my Omnia 2!!

2011-01-19T23:37:00.003+08:00

A week ago, on a rainy Monday, I rode my bike around Singapore with less than adequate cover from the rain. As a result, my faithful Omnia 2 got sick.

I was upset but I was also delighted. I love my Omnia 2. It's gotta be my favourite phone thus far. Feature-filled. Good specs. A real pleasure to use. Lots of fond memories with it. Lots of stuff done with it.

But it was old. One year on, it is already a dinosaur in the land of the iPhones and Androids. In fact, I remembered that shortly after I got this phone on Take3, M1 and Starhub began selling iPhones. My timing is always bad. Reminds me of how the Pulsar 200 came out around 2 weeks after I got my bike.

Anyways I had my eyes on HTC Desire HD. HTC is a brand I've long wanted to try out. I've had Nokia, Sony Ericsson, LG, Siemens, Samsung.. but not HTC yet. The Desire HD seems like a good option to try out.. and succeed my beloved Omnia 2.

As I mentioned I was on the M1 Take 3 plan. I decided to try exchange my Omnia 2 in for the Desire HD plus recontracting my line. It ended up being a huge hassle. Firstly I knew that I had to return the phone in a good working condition. I went to Samsung Service Centre at Century Square where I was informed a new battery was all I needed for my phone to be operational again. Happily procuring a new battery, I decided to still try and get the Desire HD. So I queued at M1.

The way the counter staff scrutinised my phone.. I felt like I was being interrogated. Why is the battery flat? Why is it hard to power on? Why is there a scratch here and a chip there? It was getting frustrated. In the end the phone was deemed unacceptable. So I was given a choice - go ahead with the recontract and pay $535 for the new phone or repair my Omnia 2 and then exchange it and pay only $267.50 (on top of whatever repair charges I have to pay for).

No brainer. Off to Plaza Singapura 2 days later.

Fast forward to.. yesterday. Tuesday. Could have collected it sooner but I was occupied. Changed my Omnia 2's motherboard, buttons and LCD screen. Total of $157 and a few cents. Reasonable enough for me.

What was a pleasant surprise for me was when I powered up the phone, the start up screen was different from before. They've upgraded my Omnia 2!! It was previously Windows Mobile 6.1. I never bothered to do the upgrades earlier because after reviewing my friend's WM6.5 Omnia 2 I did not think the changes were worth the hassle and charges.

It's like I just got a new phone! Needless to say I've been tweaking with my phone a lot today, making my mark and personalising it. It really feels like a new phone. Seems a lot faster than before (but then I've already filled it up to the max by then). Lots of new features. Even though the quantity and quality is miserable compared to iPhone's and Android's, can actually download apps from Marketplace and Samsung Apps Store.

I'm a happy bloke. ^_^

I've got 7 months before I can trade this phone in for a new one for free under Take 3. Or pay $217 and keep this phone as well as get a new one. The way my Omnia 2 is going now, I may pay that fee. This phone feels like a keeper (once more :))

2010-12-27T22:04:00.002+08:00

Now's not the best of times to be Talhah.

Then again, when has it ever been?

I had an ominious suspicion 3 birthdays ago that Karma is gonna hit me hard for my improper deeds and conduct. I guess I'm now in the other party's shoes. Now.. I am the Fool. Padan muka.

Stop fooling yourself Talhah. "Nice guys finish last?" I'm no nice guy, I don't think I'll even finish.

It's out in the open. No attempts at secrecy. Taking me as a fool.. and why not? I am a fool.

I don't regret the things I've done, the decisions, the choices, the sacrifices I've made. But I am pained that it has not mattered in the grand scheme of things. I have not mattered.

Do't lie to me. Don't kid yourself. You know it's true.

In the past I was contented with my meagre collections of Silver medals and no. 2s. It's alright to be second. But not when it came to this. I want to be number one. Numero uno, comprende?

I'm not gonna give up. But it hurts when those you're fighting for are secretly rooting for another team. Heartbreaking even.

I may be foolish at times but I'm not stupid.

2010-11-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

I suck at poker or any card game that has spades and Aces. Nuff Said

Occupational hazards

2010-11-04T08:08:00.002+08:00

Here's a prevailing notion in my mind since I was first posted to a Fire station. It's quite morbid but considering it was my personal exposure to accidents, tragedies, fatalities that influenced this thought, it ought to be expected.

What if I got into an accident?

How will my family be informed?

Will my insurance be sufficient for any or all expenses?

How will my girlfriend be informed?

What will happen to my bike, Facebook, etc?

Bah. Morbid but valid.

In other news, why is it that our big quarrels often occur when I'm working? Really gotta change a lot of our 'cycles'. But how I feel won't change.

New numbers are 20,000 and 5. Go figure.

Tentang perasaanku..

2010-11-03T14:30:00.003+08:00

Here's a pattern I've noticed. Firstly, everything will be superb. Awesome. We're on top of the world. The future is bright. Along came... life. Throwing challenges and issues and nonsense at us. We may or may not fight. I'll certainly upset you. Intentionally or otherwise. Doesn't matter. You're still hurt and it was my fault. You may or may accept my numerous sincere apologies but that's not the point. I should never place both of us under such circumstances - ever!

I trust you.

I'm hopeless. Careless, with words and deeds. Foolish. Moronic even.

But utterly devoted to you. The promises I made.. I want to keep. I will always wait. And you know why. Despite everything You always make me happy. soIwillwait..

cos ilyvm.

Stormy yesterdays..

2010-09-27T23:58:00.003+08:00

Where do I begin?

When it rains, it pours. Things aren't as smooth sailing as I'd like. The only reason I'm trudging through life right now is because I'm numbed by my misery, yet relying heavily on my hope that things will get better.

I really don't like complaining, because things could be so much more worse than it is right now. I can already imagine some unspeakable, dreadful situations. It could be worse, but that does not mean it is any better right now. Sigh.

Have you ever punched someone's face in anger? I guess some people have, but it would surprise a lot of people if I admit to doing so, twice to the same person on two separate occasions. Am I proud of it? Ya Allah, no. But I will continue reminding myself of it, to remind myself if I ever lose my temper, this is one possible consequence that I am capable of.

We are both proud persons. Arrogant. Never willing to submit to the other. Did we have to fight? No. He provoked me, I replied. What a shame, Talhah. What a shame..

On another front.. I feel like I'm drowning. I have this paradise of mine, gifted to me by fate. I love My Paradise. She excites me because I see the great possibilities in store for me and this Paradise of mine. She motivates me to be better, for I have to earn my right to live on, and with, this Paradise of mine. And because she's full of wonders, I have re-discovered Allah swt, and I am doing my part to be a better servant.

And so, each day, I work on my Paradise. Plant some beautiful flowers here. Built some facilities there. Don't get me wrong, the Paradise is already gorgeous as it were before I ever knew of it, but it doesn't hurt to make me more personal.

This Paradise, my Dream, is my priority.

But I keep making mistakes. Costly mistakes. Accidental or otherwise. Foolishly. Clumsily. Unwittingly. Moronic mistakes. Mistakes nonetheless. I'd be building a new jetty for my Paradise, I'll fall into the sea, and the waves are dragging me further and further from my Paradise. That's me, making my mistakes out of my best intentions.

I feel like I'm losing my Paradise. I don't know what to do.

One thing for sure, I don't wanna lose my Paradise. I love my Paradise.. but so what, if my Paradise does not want me. I really don't wanna lose my Paradise.

Damn, my narrative sucks. I can't think. I've been bottling my emotions for too long. It came out hard.. literally. In the form of a few pushes, one kick, one slap and one punch.

Sunday, I came home after a duty which consisted of an hour's sleep at night. I was exhausted, but I did not get to sleep for we were expecting guests. After the whole day, I was completely knocked out by 8pm. I was watching the start of the F1 race, but within minutes I was gone to the world. I only awoke after midnight. Sadly I could not sleep again, leaving me still feeling tired.

Look at this post. Incoherent. I told you I can't think. Too much I wanna say but..

I just want my Paradise..

Can you feel my emotions in my messages?

2010-08-19T21:09:00.002+08:00

Why do some phrases or quotes become cliche? Cos they're bloody true. It's hard to gain trust but easy to lose it. I think I just went through that. A lie about a small matter is enough to destroy everything I worked hard for.

The only way to regain trust lost is to work even harder to prove that that lapse was a fluke. And it was.

I have noticed that we tend to get into big quarrels (I won't say arguments because I rarely argue back) when we're apart and communicating through our handphones. I'm not saying that our gadgets are a bane but I think you'll understand better why I prefer to spend time with you than talking and messaging over our mobiles.

I'm not saying I do not anger you when we're face to face. But I noticed you'd rather express your frustrations and disappointments and disapprovals and anger through sms rather than talk it out. In a way I understand and appreciate why you may prefer such medium, yet I find that I'm always handicapped through this means.

The best way to express regret and offer sincerest apologies is by looking in the eyes and say "I'm sorry" with all my heart.

Thousands of SMS-es with "I'm Sorry" plastered all over doesn't quite work.

Even though I always work hard to give you and us the best, I almost ALWAYS sabotage my own efforts and hurt you one way or other. WTH.. sigh..

Not giving up.. but just feeling depressed for the moment for this lapse.. for this failure.. Gotta pick myself and redeem myself again.. but not today.. Today.. I failed..

Sabar, Talhah, sabar..

2010-08-01T23:26:00.003+08:00

Bismillah..

I don't usually start my posts with a basmallah.. But for this matter I really find I need His guidance heavily.

I don't like anger. I have had very very bad experiences when it comes to anger. Then again, who doesn't? But those episodes have stuck to me until today. They were some of the most defining moments of my life.

When I was younger, I now realise I was very competitive with my brother. Quite natural, us being only a year apart. As my mom like to say, during good times, we're the best of friends, during the bad, we're the worst of rivals. At one point I used to say that my brother is the only person I openly express my anger at. Others, I either try to quell it or express it subtly or discreetly.

But lately I have felt much anger. And I'm pissed off about it. 'Cos I don't like being angry. So ya, I'm angry about being angry. Nonsense.

Ok to cut the story short. I heard something unpleasant today. It really destroyed my mood. I was very tempted to confront and resolve the matter immediately. Get it out and get it over with. I was very certain to go through with it even though I knew the consequences would be irreversible.

Then I fetched my mom from her trip to KL. As she talked about the fun she had during the trip, my anger subsided. I recall reading somewhere that if you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, you just gotta counter it with some positive ones. In this case, my mom's happy mood cooled me down enough to reconsider my course of action.

I'm still pissed. But.. I won't be confrontational about it.

Whenever something upsets or angers me alot, I try to step back and look at the big picture again. Why am I doing or involved in that matter that led to the anguish? Is it worth it? If it isn't, I'll back out. Life's too short to fight over trivial matters.

I know my own priorities. It may not be the 'right' priorities but they are mine. This is my decision. I'll stick to it.

At the end of the day life's just a trial, a test of our character. I hope I can pass it well.

Just cos my horoscopes are the tauros and tiger doesn't mean I have to have short tempers. I will do better.

My mom's best gift to me, and of Science Fiction then and now

2010-06-04T19:15:00.004+08:00

A good friend once passed me a book for my mom to read. The personal development book was a Malay translated version. I simply snickered when I received it. She probably thought (wrongly) my mom was not that well-versed in English.

What my well-intentioned friend did not know is that I inherited my love for books from my mom. As I expected, my mom did not enjoy the book much. As she said, when you know the book was translated from English, you can't help but re-translate the sentences to make sense of what it is implying.

Needless to say, when my friend finally made acquaintance with my mom, she was embarrassed. Ah well.

I love reading. I remember rather vividly sometime when I was Primary 3, I was bored and decided to finally check out all those dusty old books that was kept in one of the cupboards in my old room.

It was a Hardy Boys novel. It changed my life.

That book led to others of the series. Then, to satisfy my new-found hunger for further entertainment in the world of literature, I ventured forth into the other books in that cupboard.. and then to libraries.. and borrowed books from friends.. and even bought some of my own.

Yet there were still some books in that collection I did not even bother opening. As a Primary 3 kid, I was intimidated by some for their thickness and complex use of language, and put off by some of the cheesy old covers of these books that pre-dated.. erm.. me.

Recently I went through the books hidden for so long in my cupboard in my room (I've since moved to Chai Chee) to sort out which to keep and which to throw or give away. I rediscovered my Hardy Boys books, and others.

And then there were the Isaac Asimov books. The books that my mom told me to never discard. So I picked up one.. and wondered why I did not do it earlier?! The man is a master! He will lead you on ever so attentively, only to give you such an unexpected twist that kept me reflecting back and wonder how I missed the clues he laid so subtly??

Anyways, one of the series he wrote, and Ibu has, is the Foundation saga. Summarily, in a future where Man has colonised much of the Galaxy and established Empires, a brilliant scientist developed a scientific and mathematical field called psycho-history; it dealt not with an individual but with populations numbering billions across the Galaxy. This science could plot the future development of Mankind and he forecast an imminent fall of civilisation towards barbarism. He then laid down the Plan which were to reduce the time of the fall to the rise of the new Empire to a single thousand years, instead of the 30,000 years he predicted.

The saga covered on the several prominent crises and events that occurred revolving around the Plan and the two Foundations this scientist established.

The reason I brought up this series is I can't help but realise just how much Gundam 00 is similar to this saga wrote a long time ago!

Think about it! Celestial Beings Vs Foundations. Both portrayed to be highly advanced and secretly developed and expanded. Aeolia Schenberg and Hari Seldon. Scientists who somehow could predict and prepare for the future.

It's like two of my favourite things combined into one!

OK, I'll stop here! Wasting time blogging, I've not finished the fourth book!

Too much.. get back to reality FOLKS!

2010-05-20T10:43:00.004+08:00

Ok this is getting ridiculous. How would you feel when people you hold in utmost respect view you as a villain? They say it is forgiving, but I don't see it. I don't feel it. Sure I made one wrong step (in their eyes) suddenly there's no way back. That's the way I see it.

I made the decision. My decision is "Not now." My priorities have changed. Why am I a bad guy?? A simple thing such as giving something I'm not gonna be needing to someone who needs it.. you guys have to deny??

Why does no one seem to see or understand that I too feel guilty? Why else would I have taken the time to meet him at SP Guild House those many months ago? It's not like I was trying to do something behind their backs. I told them.. and they made me choose. And cos I din choose them, they have alienated me.

My "Brother and Sister".. I still love and trust you. But how am I to return one day when it's obvious the higher echelons don't want to have anything to do with me?

Whattaya want from me..

2010-05-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

One thing I don't like about blogging is people usually rant,complain,gossip,criticise when they post, myself especially included. Nearly most blog posts are quite negative in nature. Yet though it is a public domain, our blogs are a platform for us to express ourselves, our thoughts at that very moment. I find it quite enlightening whenever I go through my archives.

Like right now. I've had an awesome 5-days happy streak. It wasn't smooth all the way, but I was relatively happy. I was with her. We laughed. We smiled.

Now she's pissed off with me.

I am committed to this relationship. Why do you doubt? If I wasn't, do you think I'd be willing to wait 7 years for you? Would I dare to get to know your family better? Would I have done any of those things for you? Would I have listened to your opinions and value your advice.

I'm in this for real. I am not gonna be the one quitting on us. And you won't find it that easy to lose me.

'Cos I do love you.

You are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful 19 year old I know. I knew when I chose to be with you I'll become a better man.. cos who I am right now is not fit to be your future husband. Thus, the only way to eventually marry you is to strive to be a Better Talhah.

Only if you'll allow me to keep fighting for this love. I just wanna make you smile. Cos You make me smile everyday.

Forgive me? Please?

Things don't always end the way things start

2010-05-17T09:09:00.002+08:00

Okaaay. My 24th birthday did not go according to plans... AT ALL!

Good news is it was much better. Sure I didn't get to do some things I really wanted to do (and I still feel guilty about it) but overall, I got my birthday wish.

I celebrated the day with my Dearest.

When I came home I got my sole birthday present from Safwan - N-Strike Longstrike CS-6! How sweet! Now I can use that to wake him up!

'Nuff said. I'm going out soon. Ciao!

Look's like I've hit 24.

2010-05-16T00:57:00.004+08:00

Don't ever expect me to say

What I want for my birthday

Which falls on the sixteenth of May

-Hey wait, that's today!

Hah! Come and see if I care

Ask me if you really dare

Being happy this date is rare

Better luck finding a red bear!

Please do not be mistaken

Gratefulness I've not forsaken

Yet for all that I've taken

Feels inadequate for what I've given

I'll say this in English:

I don't ask to be rich

I've only got one wish-

A day with Dear, capiche?

I sound like a brat

I sound like I'm mad

No, I'm simply upset

Can't celebrate with her yet.

I'm gonna wake up late

I don't have any date

Nope, there wont be cake

I'm 24, for God's sake!

Don't worry, I'll be smiling

Good luck finding me wailing

I'll be pleasantly replying

To any and all birthday wishing!

I know I've gotta end

It's nearly 2 A.M.

To my family or friend,

My gift, don't forget to send!

(I've already celebrated 23 birthdays. It's just another one. But it should have been the first of many together with Her.)

A nice cool May Saturday...

2010-05-08T16:10:00.003+08:00

Today started out late. As in 0600hrs late. What's so late about 6 in the morning? It's late when you're supposed to beratur at 0600hr!!

After work off to SP I went. I think today's training was pretty good. Everyone is coming along quite nicely. They had a birthday bash for the May babies. I didn't join cos (A) I was hungry so I went to get brunch and (B) I honestly don't like to 'sabo' people on their birthdays and lastly (C) I'm a May baby too. Hehe!!

Came home around 1400hrs. It was bloody hot. Thankfully it rained and stayed overcast, even now. Called Abang Syah; I was suppose to assist him with the kids as they go for training at Kembangan. He told me due to the weather he wasn't going. Even more grateful!

So after playing Pet Society and checking up on my Facebook, here I am blogging. After solat Asar, I'm gonna watch a movie on the PC while folding clothes with pot of hot tea. Marvellous!

Only thing lacking from this being a perfect lazy Saturday?

My Dearest, who is currently back at her kampung. I miss her.. Can't wait for her return tomorrow :-(

BTW I'm sleepy.

My humble attempts at photography

2010-04-30T00:57:00.005+08:00

Here are some of the photos I've taken with my humble Samsung Omnia 2. I've not edited or anything. No time yet. Anyways enjoy!

Panoramic beach shot.

Abg Syah kite flying ^_^

At a fireground.

Ok that's all for now!

Of discharges, chickens and awful puns!

2010-04-26T13:12:00.002+08:00

It's a rainy rainy day.

I'm stuck at KopiTiam along Kaki Bukit Ave 1. I went to Vicom to get my IU inspected. Lately my IU and my Cashcard are not friendly to each other. My IU kept refusing to acknowledge my Cashcard. I tried to troubleshoot, bought a new Cashcard, still the same problem. My IU is being naughty. I received letter from LTA to get my IU checked.

At Vicom, they held a device over my IU and a beep went off. Then they took my Cashcard and put it in, pull it out, put it in, pull it out... numerous times. Occasionally "Error" message pops out, other times it was okay. The.. inspector? told me to get a new one. I told him I did, and the problem still persisted. So he did it again with the new card. In, out, in, out, in, out. Final verdict? Old cashcard faulty, don't use again.

I'm annoyed. What if the problem recurs??

Oh, I missed out on something. It started raining on the way to Vicom, and it's still raining. Fortunately I brought my red Puma jacket. Yay-ness. But I had my netbook with me, no way was I gonna risk damaging it by riding in the rain. Thus, here I am at the Kopitiam in one isolated corner blogging away, waiting for the rain to subside substantially.

It's a nice weather, don't get me wrong.. if you planned to stay home and sleep. But I'm not planning on that. So.. grrrrrawr!

Okay enough complaining. Some happier things to post. ^_^

Yesterday was fun. Tebrau City was a nice experience. Kick Ass was kick ass!! (Lame, but so what, it's my blog ^_^) Too bad I didn't really buy anything other than the refill for the toilet's air freshener and some sushi. The place had a reasonable selection of clothing boutiques and other shops. What wowed us was the range of restaurants there! Awesome, awesome, awesome! Don't mind going there again. quite easy to get there too. It's like going towards Sedili until you see the big Jusco signage.

I've got 5 more days to plan. I mean, most of the stuff have been put into place. But, I don't know. Some of the excitement is lost when most of the stuff I've planned are already known. Present? She knows. Lunch location? She knows. Even her mom knows too. I still got at least one thing that she doesn't know and I'm keeping it close to my heart. Yes I know there's a hug chance you'd read this, my Dearest, but no, you'll have to wait til Saturday!

But ya, if I can, I'm gonna try "add" a bit more flavour to the day. It's like eating fried chicken; What makes KFC so special from any other restaurants? Their secret recipe? I've gotta have my secret recipe somehow. You know what I mean?

Okay, now I'm feeling the excitement again. Hahahaha! Nice! Let the ideas flow!

Oh ya.. tomorrow IPPT. Hmm. Didn't really prepare for it. Ah well, just gonna push myself hard and get this over and done with!

The best of you

2010-04-18T07:53:00.005+08:00

Recently a friend posted this as her Facebook status:

"It's quite ironic that in life, the person who brings out the best in you and makes you strong is actually your weakness"

How true! I just have to look at a couple close to me to see this quote coming true.

This couple I know.. the guy is someone I grew up with lots of respect and I look up to as a role model in everything I do. I took after him in many ways. He was the guy I wanted to be when I become an adult. But I know he had weaknesses as an individual, and he had many. I was privy to lots of them.

The thing in his favour was he married a lady who implemented him very well. Whatever he lacked, his wife was able to accommodate for. The wife was his pillar of strength, and his right-hand.. er.. person. Everyone knew it.

And so when some people wanted to topple this fellow politically, they tried to split this fellow and his wife. Create conflict. Create distrust. Create tension.

Sad news was they were successful.

Now where are they? The man, once highly respected in his field is stranded. He has fallen soooo far. Everyone knows of the problem they have. May not know the details, but know that this strong couple, this powerful team in the field, were broken up. The guy lost his moral authority. He has lost his standing among his peers. And even now, as he tries to trudge his way through his beloved field of expertise, he is not as strong as before. He made poor decisions and he continues to make them. He doesn't have his former confidante, his advisor anymore.

I keep looking at this situation. I pray that this situation will never ever happen to me. I look at their children; they are struggling as well. I have lost any respect for the man. I have profound sympathy for the wife.

I'm in a new relationship and I'm loving every minute of it. Even the times she is angry at me or otherwise. Even the times I felt insecure (but not anymore ^_^) And I've already felt the effects such as stated in the quote. She is my strength and my weakness. I will guard her with all my heart. She is my future, and I love her. I just have to look at my ex-mentor's fall to remind myself to always treasure her.

Oh by the way.. someone's birthday is coming up! hurhurhur!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAA such a serious post!!! Too early in the day for this sey... hahaha

Lots of "ouchies" this weekend..

2010-04-11T23:09:00.004+08:00

What am I doing here blogging? Isn't blogging dead?

When I check those blogs I linked on my own, nearly all of them are gone or not maintained. I don't blame anyone. Firstly, we've now got Facebook and Twitter. Why bother posting a long article when you can just put a status update, which is read by a larger audience (potentially the entire human population), and get comments and feedbacks? You also get to quench the voyeour in you by checking out other people's profiles. You can make new friends.

Eventually your online time is taken up by Facebook. Where got time to blog lor.. Summore must think-think..

Twitter... hmmz.. Must say I'm not too familiar.. I've not tried it out at all but from what I know it's like a mini-Facebook. You just update your status and your "followers" will be notified. Can be about anything and everything.. Kinda like you report in.. to lots of people.

I don't need that.

So.. back to the question, why am I here?

I think I've answered that question before. I may not be consistent but this blog here is my presence on the Internet. My recorded thoughts. My recorded experiences. My feelings. My ideas. My memories.

At the same time, this blog is like a platform for me to practice/try out my designing skills, amateurish as they may be.

Oh.. and erm, she also *asked* me to... So ya..

By the way, besides "I Love You", "Sorry" is the other phrase I tenderly utter often to her. Goes to show 1) How much of a dweeb I am to be constantly making mistakes, big and small, 2) How much she means to me that I just brush aside any kind of ego I may have as a Man. What's the point of being in the right if I make her angry and touch wood, lose her?

But I have to admit, I'm getting sick of apologising. Not the apologising act itself, but cos of the need to apologise. Because for me to have to apologise, means I've made some sort of mistake. Sure, I'll always make mistakes.. but if the same mistakes over and over.. I'll understand if she'll get pissed off. Damn, even I get annoyed and upset when I commit the same stuff. Can't imagine how she feels.

I just want to be by her side. Just wanna share life's experiences, good and bad, with her, together. Just want to make her as happy as possible. It's a tall order, but sincerely, I feel she's worth it. It's still early, but so far, so good. Is she perfect? Nope. But neither am I.

I pray it'll be proven we're perfect for one another.

Chapter 2:

In other news.. found out that during CDA open house on Saturday, a DART personnel fell 7 storeys while rappelling during a show. Major injuries but he's still alive. For those who do read my blog, please, spare a prayer for him. Not sure his name though....

Oh, SP-NUS-SPU friendly earlier today. SP guys look good today. Looked a lot more seasoned. Alhamdulillah the guys and gals can now fight reasonably. Question now is whether they're good enough to win anything. Of course they do. They just gotta bring their form into IVP and everything will be okay, Insya Allah.

This is Life, 23 years on

2010-04-05T08:41:00.003+08:00

I've always considered myself rather blessed when I reflect on my past. My path in life, like education, has been rather smooth.. Allah has given me what I needed.

When u consider e fact that prior to PSLE I knew nuts about TK, I'm really grateful that I ended up there. The friends, the teachers, the lessons learnt both in and out of he classroom.. I will always look back at my time in TK fondly.

Again, I went into DMC at SP blindly. Yet it was what I needed and wanted. I learnt skills I've always wanted to know like Photoshop n designing.. I got closer to the peeps at SPSC..

Then I ended up at SCDF. ERS was tough, but memorable. Enjoyed life as a fire fighter enough to sign on.

So yeah, it would seem that I was set for life. Sure it's not that awesome, may seem average but at least I could have a life.

So when I look at what is happening in my life right now.. especially money wise.. I can't complain. Yeah, it sucks but after the rather easy first 23 years of my life I guess it's due.. I just don't think about it too much

But Allah is great. He gave me this light, something to keep me smiling. Keep me looking forward to future so much better than now. Gives me motivation and inspiration. That's why, KB, I'm not gonna let this go without a fight.

I see my future in you, with you. And I'm much happier thinking about it. Can't wait to see you later ^_^

Sometimes it's good to look back.. and see how much you've ended up where you didn't want to be in the first place!

2010-04-03T16:39:00.002+08:00

Just went through my archives, read my post on December 26, 2006. I talked about how "a happy man is one who owes no one nothing."

Damn right...

Sleepless, Saturday, Swimming

2010-04-03T16:01:00.004+08:00

Saturday!! Start of the day my plans dah spoil!! Wanted to wake up late!! So long since I last woke up late!! Late is defined as waking up after 10am. How is that difficult, especially since no one else is at home and my alarms are all off?!?

Bah.. my body just wont cooperate with me. My mind even.. Couldn't sleep peacefully. It was like, my monitor is off but my PC is running 10 programmes simultaneously! My mind just won't shut even though I was clearly fatigued.

Now I know how you feel, KB.. may not be the same thing, but just a little bit.. I guess. Frustrating..

Anyways I was up slightly before 9am. Called Abang Syah, asked what were his plans, and he wanted to bring the kiddos to the swimming pool.. and so we did. Quite fun lah, layan the two kiddos. Swam some laps as well.. might as well squeeze in some personal PTs where possible..

After sending them home, here I am, back at home, tired but do not wanna sleep, plan-less.. ah well. It's kinda wet weather anyways..

Here's some pics from this morning:

Happy Family ^_^

1st mobile blog post!

2010-04-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

Hey Hey! First post using my Samsung Omnia 2! Cool kepe! now no reason for not blogging! But if I gt uncharacteristic errors in spelling or grammar... heh kata on mobile phone. ^_^ PC tetap best!

I'm @ work actually.. kecoh pe! I've started driving RT lately and today's my busiest so far! I drove alot today. 3 surveys, 3 calls.. all before 8pm!

hmmm not that easy to use the phone for blogging. Ah well.. better than nothing!

Stage One Cleared!

2010-03-31T21:07:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, the most complex circumstances requires the simplest solution. At my workplace there's this whole "New people in the company must brainstorm and do projects for three years" thingy. For this year, our group was to innovate something to improve our work.

For months, our ideas kept getting rejected for various reasons. There were even periods when nothing seemed to be happening. In the end we adopted someone else's idea (with his permission) and then.. I think we've cleared it.

Kinda glad over the fact that this phase should be over soon. But I feel like there's incomplete work.. We've brainstormed and came up with some ideas that I feel would be of much help. Guess we'll have to use another outlet to explore this idea further.

So vague huh.. can't help it mah.. my job lots of confidentiality..

Trying to jump-start blogging regularly ^_^

2010-03-30T23:37:00.003+08:00

Things are much smoother as compared to past few days. Alhamdulillah. Goes to show that life always has its ups and downs.

Hmm looks like a super long weekend with no ladies in the house! Kakak has a work assignment in Bali from the 1st til the 4th while Ibu is gonna vacation in Jakarta from the 2nd to the 4th. Ibu does need the rest and I guess Kakak does need the cash. Hope both have a safe and enjoyable trip.

That doesn't mean an easy time ahead for me. Abang Syah has some recurrence of his old back injury (he suspects slip disc) so I may be needed to help out at home with the kiddos. We'll see how. So far Ibu have not mentioned anything much about it. Even so, I still have training on Friday plus my own activities.. so we'll see how.

I've been cleaning up my room alot lately, as I've got a greater motivation and 'inspiration' to do so. I've finally working on the window cupboards; I've sorted which books to keep and which to throw/give away. Got one big box of books that I can't even carry on my own. Pfft.. pathetic fireman I am!

I guess I gotta keep finding the time and slowly I can move on to the other parts of the house so that it'd be neat, and when the time comes at least it won't be too much of a hassle to move house.

Oh by the way, I now know about K.B. Which means I'm the first to find out. I didn't discover it, but I'm the first person she has told. So yeah.. Yay-ness ^_^

Hope this skin is okay.. Maybe different wallpapers would do the trick ^_^

Sundays should be like this..

2010-03-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

So I did end up doing a new skin for my blog yesterday. A clear evidence that I just had no plans yesterday. Had a rather slow start to the day. Woke up around 10-ish.. did some chores then just sat behind the PC and worked on the skin.

As it is now, I'd say it's only about 70% done. The current background definitely needs to go. Fonts need some tweaking. Etc etc. Will work on it more.

Well I may have started the day slightly on an anxious, sour mood but not how I am ending it. What with the weather being so hot and all, and her just coming back from "camp" yesterday, we were clueless about what to do today. But we later discovered that her HP charger was with me so I made my way to her home and spend the rest of the day with her family. It was quite fun. More importantly, it was reassuring for me. I can safely say I am more confident of our relationship now. I think it was primarily fatigue that made her cranky ^_^

Okay lah.. got work in a few hours. Time to knock off. Ciao!

MARCH 2010 already?!?!

2010-03-28T13:57:00.002+08:00

Wow.. wow.. and wow.. It's been sooooo long I've not blogged. Well, change of habits, lack of desire to post anything.. I mean now Facebook's the 'IN' thing. Just update your status and everyone knows what you're up to.

But blog's still important. As a journal to record significant (and not so significant) events in our lives. As a reminder and record of what we've gone through, and what we've learnt.

I'm still at STN21. It's already around 1.5 years as a regular. My financial situation sucks. Can't help it, I'm like the sole breadwinner.. Circumstances I can't control but I have to, and can, deal with. Just that my goal to marry around 27 years old is unlikely to materialise due to this, and other matters ^_^ On one hand, I've finished off paying for Phi, my Bajaj Pulsar 180. YAY!

I got myself new toys! Firstly is my Samsung Omnia 2! A joy at work, what with the movies and the Internet access, and the apps. It's not like iPhone but it's good enough for me! I also have a netbook! Cool man! But I still prefer my PC when doing some stuff..

I am also in a relationship. Coming to 5 months. From the get-go it was already tough, with lots of opposition from.. several parties. But we're here, we're still together. She is a challenge for me, y'know? She may not say it, but I'm trying my best to be a better Muslim, and a better person overall.. for her. And of course for myself.

Lately she's under a lot of pressure. I wished I could do more for her, but she's hard-headed, not easy to listen to what others may say, even me. Well, all I can do for her is try to cheer her up, make her happy, help her where ever she can.

At this point of time, I have to remind myself to keep my own issues to myself.. Not that I do not trust or want to confide in her.. she got too many on her own plate. What's the point of me being her boyfriend if I'm only adding more to her troubles. :-)

It's a Sunday, already 2pm, I'm home, did some chores, am working on a new blogskin. Gonna work on it slowly but surely. Implementing some of my old graphic works. Think it'll come out nicely. Hey, who noes, with the new skin I'd wanna blog more regularly ^_^

New/old blog skin

2009-05-02T22:50:00.004+08:00

Changed my blogskin. Not a new one, an old one in fact. I had saved the template, and just felt like changing back to this one. Brighten up this blog of mine a bit. Perhaps if I'm more enthusiatic I can come up with a new one... some other day.

*Just realised I dun have a link/tab to my tagboard. will sort it out some other day.

Melancholic May

2009-05-02T22:13:00.003+08:00

I do not know why, but I have long since felt very ambivalent whenever May comes around. I feel like I ought to be celebrating, yet I refuse to allow myself. I don't see any reason to. Or perhaps, just denying myself the pleasure. Why? No idea.

I love/hate May.

On one hand, it's the month I look forward to in the whole calendar. Obviously, my birthday has something to do with it. And it had extra meaning in 2007.

Yet, it's precisely because of that 'extra meaning' that I can't wait for May to be over and done with. And again, I do not see why I shld be celebrating.

I know quite a few people with birthdays in May. Perhaps I should think of them instead. Well, except for one.

Such a dull entry. Welcome, May 09.

It's up to me!

2009-04-13T11:46:00.002+08:00

I've been reading this book "If it is to be, it's up to me!" by Thomas Smith. Very uplifting book, lots of insight on how you can be a better person and live life better, if not to the fullest. I've already got a few favourite quotes from it already:

You can't rattle my cage, cos I got no cage to rattle!
- No one can spoil my day or my peace of mind without my permission. Great line to keep myself up at work

You can't find time, you make time i.e. invest it!
- You got to book an appointment with yourself to do what's necessary and important. Especially for matters you dislike.

Only a quarter through the book. I wouldn't mind reading this book again, armed with a highlighter! For now, just read, enjoy and absorb!

Butterfly effect.

2009-03-25T01:06:00.002+08:00

Crossroads. How every little detail in our life could have changed completely had events deviated from the way it did. What if we decided not to swim just because it rained? What if I did not eat breakfast this morning? What if my old Samsung phone did not drop (twice) that day? What if I was still attached when Azhar called me that fateful night? What if I decided to pursue further studies?

I learned today that my circumstances today could have been completely different had I not known someone who is involved in the project. I could have ended up in a different team. How big a difference would that have made? Thinking on a personal note, I probably would have gathered my courage and try to be closer to a certain, quiet lady. I admit, I do feel some pity, seeing her all alone at nearly all the events. I want to befriend her, but we're in different teams; that just can't be done. What a pity.

Crossroads. Choices. Do we really have a choice, or is it just an illusion? An illusion that we have a choice, when in fact everything has been laid out for us. From the day we were born til the day we die, perhaps everything has been cast in stone for us. Who we will know. What we would do, and achieve. How we'll live, and how we'll die.

Would that mean that, based on my religion, some of us have already been predetermined to go to hell, and others to heaven? That would be scary. But based on my religion, that isn't so. We do have a choice.

Life would be dull if we knew we did not have any say with regards to how we live.

Lately I've been feeling...lonely.

I think I've been watching too much Whose Line Is It Anyway on Youtube!!

2009-02-25T08:13:00.006+08:00

I woke up this morning
With a bit of inspiration
So I started writing
In the morning, just past seven

I know, young mister,
I know why you're here
I know what you're after
You're here for my daughter

She's dressing up and all
She looks lovely with that shawl
She's expecting to have a ball
With you at the mall

I ask of you so kindly
Please bring her home safely
I love my daughter so dearly
Please bring her home early

Are you going by car?
Please, don't travel too far
Don't go into any bar
Don't be reckless, young as you are

Do not make me mad
Remember, I'm her dad
If you can listen to all that
Your future'll be easier, you'd be glad

No, I'm not yet a father
I don't even have a lover
All that doesn't matter
When you wake up all inspired

My pen just keep going
Words just keep flowing
The last time this was happening
I was still in TK schooling

It's a shame I gotta stop
This poem gonna be hard to top
Time for me to get up
Mom made coffee, I need a cup!

The first Friday the 13th 2009 post

2009-02-13T21:28:00.002+08:00

I'm now sitting peacefully in my sister's house.. erm, babysitting her kids. Both Aqilah and Afifah are asleep so here I am all alone.. and finally able to contemplate and update this miserable blog of mine.

Things have been relatively mundane. I honestly dislike my officer. I am starting to be "mata merah" towards a colleague who is at the same junior and same level as myself so I have to consciously tell myself to look the other way and just mind myself. If the other guy wanna act liao jiao, let him be. I just have to keep my chin down and nose clean and continue learning and improving myself. I don't have to talk to him if I don't like it.

Did I mention I have a dislike for my officer?

Other than that, work life is still 'same old, same old'. I'm getting too lenient, really really need to buck up on my fitness. Lots more to learn, lots more to better.

Going overseas to Indonesia then Malaysia from Wednesday all the way til Sunday. Gonna be interesting. It's all about business, yo!

Lately I've been spending lots and lots of my Internet time watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? I think I'm attracted to the positive vibes and definitely the humour. I doubt I can emulate those witty guys. I have a hard time coming up with poems! I remember long ago, just to try it out and annoy my then-girlfriend, I tried to "berpuisi" every other step or so. I was trying out what my Malay ancestors did ages ago, where they are able to come up with poems ever so readily. It wasn't easy, especially given my poor command of the Malay language.

All the more why I really salute Wayne, Collin, Ryan, Drew and all the other casts of WLIIA.

Man, living paycheck to paycheck really sucks. After paying my bills and commitments, I'm left with just 400 for myself. Sheesh! And I'm not even married yet!

Ah well, enough ranting. Events coming up: Festival Temasek IV. Doing the same old stuff, as usual. Got some ideas I wanna use for the magazine this year. Siswa Camp. Gotta make it happen. IVP. Gotta make it the best one yet!

BTW if I am not mistaken, there'd be two Friday the 13th this year, this month and in March. Doesn't really matter to me, just thought of pointing it out.

23 days into 2009

2009-01-23T06:46:00.002+08:00

"204 Posts, last published on Oct 19, 2008 "

Wah... so long ago! And so much has changed since!! I feel like I'm a new person now. I'm learning new stuff, doing things I would have not done before, I'm meeting and associating with positive, ambitious people... I myself feel like I have a new purpose in life, that I want to achieve slowly, eventually.

Success is my favourite word right now cos that is something I want. What success? I dunno, but success in something, some day. How would I know if I am successful? By definition, "success is the progressive realisation of a worthwhile dream!" I believe I can do it, it's just a matter of time.

This month, money-wise, have been an uber-tight one. After paying a lot of my hutangs rather automatically without thinking or calculating or checking, I realised I din have enough to really survive this month. And I still got somemore stuff to pay off!!

I really am living paycheck to paycheck. Hopefully, it won't be forever.

I made a mistake yesterday of looking at her photos. I have not thought about her much, if at all, for quite a while and honestly, I forgot just how... beautiful she is. To me lah. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder mah... Then I checked myself and realised that looking at the photos.. anything to do with her is a negative activity so I watched our ERS POC vid on the facebook!

It was really cool of Izhar to share the vid on Facebook. Now, whenever I feel low or disillusioned with my job, I just watch that video to psyche myself up again.

Hmm... Right now my life has 5 things : Work, SP Silat, TS Silat, side project, Family. If I have some spare time, then it'd be lepakz time or go out with friends. And looking at the five things, 3 of them are already somewhat confidential matters i.e. cannot share on a public blog, and both silat stuff... maybe can share... but I don't think so, considering my position.

Imagine if I'm your coach and you get in here and read things like, "...oh and that boy really irritates me! What am I doing? He's hopeless!..." and others?! hahaha.. I mean, let's be real, a lot of time, blogs are for ranting. We live in a very negative world, so naturally we want to flush out the negatives from our system. Blogging is very convenient in that sense. Only problem? It's public. It's relatively permanent and unretractable.

So that means... I got nothing to blog about, even though I've been having a ball of a time lately!

Too bad :P

Dreams

2008-10-19T13:05:00.002+08:00

Most times, when you dream, you immediately forget what it was about the moment you awake. But there are some dreams that will stick to your memory, you can still recall about even days from the first time you dreamt it. I learnt that those dreams often have some kind of meaning, sometimes quite literal, most times quite subtle.

And lately I've had two dreams involving her. How sad, for me to dream of her only after we're done. It was even true with my first.

I don't need anyone to tell me what my dreams mean. Sitting back, recalling what the dream about.. the first was about, well, a dream that never came true. Even in the dream, the obstacle persists. The second.. heh, about a confrontation that never happened.

I can't go into further details. This is between me and her. Maybe some day I will share it with her.

I doubt it.

IN OTHER NEWS! I started work last week. Now in Rota 3 in a new station.So far so good.

Knowing myself better.

2008-09-24T00:14:00.003+08:00

I am, by nature, a lazy individual. Seriously. I know if people from SCDF were to read this, they'd think I'm lying. Well, they'd be the only ones. 'Cos the fact is, my time in SCDF as an NSF is the only period in my life thus far whereupon I'm active, energetic (most of the time), enthusiastic - everything but lazy- for a prolonged duration i.e. months.

Since young, I never did like doing homework. I think I still got homework due since... Primary 4 at the very least! I just couldn't be bothered. I didn't like studying. The only time I really put in time and effort cramming was for my O levels, and some of my poly modules. Other than that, the only time I studied and understood my subjects were in class. That was my principle. Study belongs in class, and it stays in class.

Coincidentally, at each stage of my education, there would be at least one educator who would advice me that if I put in more effort, play less, study harder, I can get good grades cos (no, this is not me being ego-istic or whatever, this is what they really did tell me) I got the brains. I was smart enough to be a high-scoring student if I wanted to be. But I didn't want to. I was scared by my Primary 4 experience when I was in the top class and just... just didn't like it. Heh, my mom at one time even said I could go to RI if I wanted to. But I didn't.

Anyways, yada yada yada. So people keep telling me to work harder. Aunts from both my dad and mom's side knows I'm lazy. How sad. But I didn't really heed any of their advice.

But something about SCDF, particularly ERS, that motivated me. Inspired me to be better. To be more knowledgeable. To strive harder. To keep fit and be fitter. Something. I don't even know what it is.

That's part of the reason I'm signing on. I tried to picture myself working in an office, and I can't see myself working as hard as I did in Changi. I guess this line suits me quite well, for now. Or maybe I've matured. Maybe. Maybe I finally realised the need to be hardworking.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a very lazy guy. Heck, I'm even too lazy to update this blog more regularly!

P.S. I learned a new word today : torpid, a synonym for laziness. How nice, and it starts with T too!

Blowing the... erm, flute..

2008-08-14T12:40:00.003+08:00

Keris Hang Tuah si Taming Sari
Campak ke sungei tak dijumpa lagi
Hatiku rasa meriah sekali
Hidup NSku tinggal 4 Duty!

Haha! I know! LAME! But I can't help it! I'm gonna ORD soon! Woooot!

I had a very memorable fire call yesterday. Someone had burnt some clothes in a metal container commonly used for burning incense paper, so we were despatched to do investigation. After interviewing the neighbours and the owner of the unit the container was placed next to, we somehow or other found the culprit : a gay Scot living one floor above. No, seriously, a genuine gay.

I'm not trying to be discriminating. I'm getting to my point... er, okaaay.. wrong word there.. I'll get to it.

Anyways, my Encik is a good talker, knows how to talk his way through, get people to open up, etc.. He was the one who got the Scot to bluntly admit he started the fire. Anyways, the Scot was not too familiar with Singapore culture, of locking his door (yes, he leaves his home unlocked), using the rubbish chute, etc. Anyways, my Encik noticed a flute in the house.

"Oh, do you play the flute?"

The answer?

"No, I play the flesh flute."

SERIOUS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

I don't think I'll ever forget this one!

Ban Ten (AM)!!

2008-07-13T10:20:00.003+08:00

I woke up rather pissed off today, simply for waking up at 10am. No, not because it's a Sunday. Because I slept at 4am last... morning?? Fehrin and ma'am, Sham and ma'am, Ben, Sholehan, Mamat, Clay, Razif, Adli (for a while) and myself went bowling at SAFRA Tampines last night. Waited til 1am before we finally got a lane. I only got back home at 3.30am. By then I was exhausted. Only had barely an hour's sleep when I got home yesterday from work.

And yet, this morning, at exactly 0955hrs, I woke up. Completely. No morning daze, no "i still feel sleepy". I was alert. I was ready to get on with my day. Well, my body was. And that's why I'm pissed off. I know I only had 6hrs sleep, so why the hell am I all up and running? This is a consequence of living as a Fire Fighter for me. When I wake up, I can start doing stuff nearly immediately. Just like when the fire coding goes off and I have to slide down the pole/run down the stairs and handle the emergency. Then I'll find it hard to get back to sleep.

I already sleep late most of the time. I don't like sleeping in the afternoons. I find it hard to sleep in the afternoon unless I am completely drained. So, when and where can I get my beloved ZZZZs?

Sigh.

I initially wanted to go out today. Maybe go Bugis. Now, think I'll stay home, do some chores, stare into this monitor of mine... See how. I am now enlightened about how much I really matter to certain people. How important. Or rather, unimportant. Fuck it. I'm gonna go do me and enjoy myself, with friends who cares and family members who will never leave me.

.... Wow, talk about waking up in the wrong side of the bed.

Alarmingly true.

2008-07-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

Talk about being surrounded..

2008-07-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

Always good to have more... most of the time..

2008-07-12T19:27:00.003+08:00

Hehe talk about not keeping to the plan. Since I bought and assembled the new computer table, which comes with a whiteboard, I've made a list of things I need/want to buy. So one of these was a HDD for me to store my personal files and for my video editings.

So off I went to Sim Lim with Imran to go find 160GB 3.5" ext HD, which would be like a direct replacement of my old beloved 'cooked' HDD. After checking out the different stores to get a rough idea of the prices, I decided to just whack and go into the next store (I never really have the patience to go through catalogues to compare and get the best deal, bla bla bla... as long as it fits my needs and budget, I'm all green.

I ended up paying $149.90 for a 500gb Ext HD, which to me is a good deal and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO over what I had planned to get. Now I've got more than what I set out for in the first.

I still have no idea why I'm complaining.. Maybe I'm not complaining, just... 500GB?!?! Wow....

IN OTHER NEWS, after a series of deterioration residents were shocked to see the iconic Big Ben collapse completely, leaving an empty space where it once stood proud.

Witnesses said the clocktower began its descent to oblivion by first emulating Pisa's own famous tower , leaning heavily on one side, before it completely gave way.

Fortunately nearby premises escaped unscathed. No other damages have been reported by the neighbouring buildings.

Sounds... crappy? Not really. See, I *used* to have the Big Ben 3D puzzle placed at one corner of my room. Since I rearranged my room furnitures, Sweet Aqilah found the puzzle to be more accessible for her and she started dissembling the tower. Initially I wanted to keep the pieces so I can fix it up again in the future but looked at the faded pieces, I decided to just throw it away. Ah well, it's been there for years. Quite an enduring birthday present. Coincidentally, Aqilah's mom bought the puzzle for me.

Still feeling hollow, but otherwise doing okay.

What football is all about..

2008-06-28T18:45:00.000+08:00

New look

2008-06-28T18:34:00.003+08:00

Today was a slow start for me. Woke up to one of my nieces' crying. I think it was Aqilah, when she realised her grandma and mom weren't around. I just did not have enough sleep so I took my time getting up, as Safwan was around as well. Didn't do much other than laze, watch some Barney and 'Alif' vcds with the kids. At some point I told my mom (when she returned) to bring the kids back to their own home since I had other plans for the day.

That plan was to assemble my new computer table and rearrange my room.

I think my room's gonna look spiffy (and spacey) when I'm done. I'm just taking a break cos I'm tired, there's too much junk on the floor, need to regroup and finish off by today. Considering I did not really take any measurements when I bought the new table, it fitted into my room like a glove. I was simply stunned and grateful that it was just nice for the area I wanted to place it.

If my plan to start work in October stands, I do plan to paint my room. It's been too long and the colour's quite dull so time to freshen up my lil world.

Maybe once I'm done rearranging and cleaning, I'll post some photos of my room. Too bad I have to get new hangers for my posters.

5 things that has happened in one month

2008-06-13T18:26:00.002+08:00

Been exactly 1 month, 1 day since my last post. Quite a few developments. So I'll just briefly touch on them, in random order, as they pop up in my head while I'm typing it out.

Firstly, a few months back the tiles in the living room.. erm, popped/cracked/burst/expanded/whatever.. haha.. I was on the com when I started hearing some crackling sound. Next thing I know the floor had a bump.. and it kept expanding. First thing I did was to alert my parents (by shouting, not.. running to them and screaming "Daddy! Daddy! The floor burped!"... no no.. that will be wrong...) then I checked to see if the floor is hot. Theoretically, if the floor's hot... the house below us maybe on fire... but it wasnt (damn). Anyways we suspect when the contractors first laid the tiles (under the original owners) either they used low-grade materials or some gas got trapped or something... whatever. End product: Floor was damaged.

We didn't do anything for quite a while because a) we were busy, b) no one wanted to take charge and find out how much to repair, etc, c) no money to spare. Crucially because of (c). So when my dad got some bonus, we finally made some effort to get the floor fixed. (We as in my mom, the Super-woman =D )

Floor's finally fixed and since the room was cleared, we also decided to paint the room. Nice sky blue and yellow at the area in front of the door. The contractors did a nice job. Now all that's left is for them to wash the floor, paint the door, grill, doorframes and of course give us the bill. Hurray.

Secondly, IVP has started.. and at this time, about to end. This Sunday's the last day. Thus far, SP has 3 Semi-finalists and 3 quarter-finalists left in the tournament. This year we had a modest goal for the athletes : win their first game. Alhamdulillah, most have achieved it. That in itself is a marked improvement from last year. Only 5 guys did not win their first game. Not bad lah, for us.

Thirdly, KPSK about to start. In fact, it begins the week after IVP. No rest for the Silat enthusiasts! Yesterday was the first day I attended a KPSK training. Haha... hey, I've got a valid excuse! I was training SP! hehe..

Fourth...ly.. my application has been accepted. Alhamdulillah. I requested to start work in October after Raya, so yeah, at least enjoy my ORD a bit lah.

I am utterly grateful to Allah swt, for making my passage in life relatively easy. When it comes to making vital decisions with regards to my life, I have often gotten what I wanted. I got into TK. I got into Literature stream. I got into SP DMC. I got into ERS. I got into Changi FS. I will be a Regular. Many other examples. I realise this and I am truly grateful.
Just as how I realise the flow in my life in general has been quite smoothly, I too am aware that when it comes to love however... I do not get what I want. In a way. In most ways. I have to strive harder. I fail and fall so many times. Ah well, can't have everything going in my way I guess.

Fifth. My sis loaned me this book. Teaches (or rather reminds) us to be positive. In thought. In action. Very very interesting, insightful. I like it. So yes, everyday I wake up I try to keep myself positive. So far okay. I do have my down times but I try not to let it affect others. So far, I like what I've felt and experienced. The book is titled "Positive Words, Powerful Results" by Hal Urban. Trust me, it's worth the read.

Festival Temasek : //OVER : //SUCCESS

2008-05-12T11:12:00.004+08:00

Phew! Festival Temasek is over! Finally! It never gets any easier. Of course, having guys like Fadhli, Haliem, Haziq, Anwar... all the other guys, they made it a lot easier to organise the event on the day itself. You guys have my utmost gratitude. (Unlike some people who bark and shout and demand recognition for doing nothing, Instead of easing the load, they make it a lot tougher for people who are actually doing the work. To you guys, a big FUCK you is in order. 'Nuff said.)

I guess the Festival was a success. LOL, for my own tasks, you can say I surpassed what I did last year. Actually got a proper souvenir magazine printed. Had Warna interview our Chairman. Suria and Berita Harian came down to cover our event. I think we had at least around 5 minutes on the Malay news, which is kinda snazzy. Although the article in Berita Harian was mostly about Zaqy Mohamad's interview, it did cover albeit briefly on our Festival. And it was on the 2nd page! Not bad, if I may say so myself.

I'm sleepy. It's weird. When things were as per routine, as in I work one day, rest two days, blablabla.. even if I sleep late, somehow or other I am rather energetic. Oddly enough, now I've taken 2 duties leave, I sleep early, I wake up late, I feel even more tired. LOL.. Nevermind.

P.S. Where am I going?

Another Chris Rock Gem

2008-05-04T19:44:00.000+08:00

Chris Rock on Love and Relationships

2008-05-04T18:35:00.002+08:00

Since I got back from work, I've been watching Russell Peters on Youtube and played Football Manager 2008 Handheld. Then I happened to click on a Chris Rock clip, and another and another before I stumbled on this one.

Watch this, try not to get offended, and just laugh (where appropriate:P)

Out-fooled YOU!!

2008-05-04T13:42:00.002+08:00

Cekik darah nye budak2. Suka buat orang nye darah up. Tapi takpe, I got the last laugh! Ha. Ha. And Ha.

The guys at station... don't really know who, but lately they like to pull this prank of pulling out the spark plug connections of the bikes parked in station. It happened at least once before, with Ridzwan's bike.

They thought they could get a cheap thrill with my bike. Too bad, I "outsmarted them". You see, they did disconnect my spark plug, but I bet you, if they were hiding somewhere to see me struggle with my bike, trying to start it and all... TOO BAD! I bet they were confused as to how the hell I got my bike starting and I even rode out of station with no problems. I did however feel something was amiss with my bike, that I even stalled twice at one traffic light. My suspicions were confirmed when I arrived at my carpark and checked the spark plug. Bloody idiots.

But then, how did I get the bike to move? HAHAHAHAHA!!

You see, unknown to most, the DTS-i on the Pulsar 180's name means Digital Twin Spark ignition. That's right, I got TWO spark plugs!! Muahahaha!

Bloody idiots....

Taking pictures on a runway!!

2008-05-04T13:36:00.002+08:00

Cekik darah si Baba... hahaha..

Memorable two days!

2008-05-01T20:59:00.002+08:00

WOAAAAAAAAAAH! I honestly think I've never been this exhausted working before. I mean, even the drill at CAFHI did not have such a... after-effects.

Yesterday we had a combined drill with AES, a simulated airplane fire. Our job was "easy", water supply and evacuation of casualties. It was anything but. In fact I think it's the toughest exercise *EVER*.. yet.. Even whatever they threw at us at ERS pales in comparison with yesterday. Even a guy who consistently got Gold for IPPT was struggling, though not as badly as me.

My left arm was nearly numbed by carrying the first casualty ON A STRETCHER. That's weak man. This is the very first drill I've done where I practically walked everywhere. It was hot. We were donned in thick jackets and leggings. Our fire helmet. The runway is... well, obviously no shelter. It was wide open. The nearest casualties were at least 40m, the furthest may even have been more than 100m.

Yet at the end of the drill, the sense of satisfaction is unparalleled. I survived BOBCAT! Hahaha..

Anyways it was the first time I woke up at 6am still feeling very exhausted even though I slept early. We went to McD Tampines Interchange for breakfast as a group. I tried the Mcgriddle. Not bad. I won't mind buying it again. Then 5 of us watched Iron Man. Marvel-lous. Haha, fine, that is corny. Doesnt matter, the effects was good. Story line aint too bad but then I'm not so much an Iron Man fan, so no major complains.

Went to Kakak's house after, entertained my two adorable nieces before collapsing in the guest room ard 3pm, waking up around 5.30pm, went home around 7pm... and here we are.

I still feel sleepy. Great two days though.

Finally, some positives in my life... It's getting rarer.

An ad in Facebook to something insightful.

2008-05-01T20:53:00.003+08:00

“The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes YOU ProbablyMake With Women—And What To Do About It...”
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women—And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...
-By David DeAngelo, Author Of “Double Your Dating”

MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted to "nice" guys?
Of course you have.
Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION.
And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you.
I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT.
Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.

MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested?
Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, EVER.
You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning".
Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her?
But we all do it.
When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind.
Bad idea. One that will never work.

MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission".
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here.
You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you.
But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again.
You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...

MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did?
If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what?
It's only NATURAL when this happens...
That's right, I said NATURAL.
When you do these things, you send a clear message:
"I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection". Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.

MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women?
Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around?
Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone.
If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...

MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age.
And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks.
There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet...
And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.

MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission.
Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women.
Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants.
Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!

MISTAKE #9: Not KnowingEXACTLY What To Do In EachType Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind...
A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking.
Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it.
And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating...
Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything.
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting HELP
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This is the mistake that keeps most men from EVER having the kind of success with women that they truly want.
I know, guys don't like to make themselves look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.

Personally, I find this quite true. I myself... I know I went wrong by committing No 1. Heh.. Really, I lost out by being a nice guy. One slight difference is she told me I should have down No. 5. Heh... sad.. sad... The rest are rather general, not necessarily affecting me.

Taken from http://www.flirtadvice.com/5/ten-mistakes.html.

Have I mentioned I have a Facebook now?

Shutting down in 5...4...

2008-04-30T00:06:00.003+08:00

I should be sleeping.

I got work in.... 8 hour's time. Outside drill tom-... today.

I can't sleep yet.

Heart's a-pumping.

I met my deadline. It's completed.

Heck, I didn't even get anyone to vet it. I'm so screwed if I... er, screwed up on anything.

Better check.

I think I'll bathe though.

I think I should sleep.

Another Pratchett quote to knock off tonight:

"Don't talk to me about progress. Progress just means that bad things happen faster."

"No, I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic."

2008-04-29T20:00:00.003+08:00

I'm a big Terry Pratchett fan. Whenever I visit the library, I would make a beeline for the "PRA" shelves in the fiction section. If you've ever read any of his work, you'd know how witty his books are.

One of his memorable quotes is a good sample of his style:
"Chaos is found in abundance where order is being sought. It always wins because it's better organised."
I think I've used that quote numerous times.

Anyways I was loitering at Parkway Parade just now, entered Borders and saw a book of his best quotes from his Discworld series. I *HAD* to buy it.

Wish I could give a longer post but since I got work due, I think I'll just randomly pick a page and give one of his quotes... ah here we are:

"Is it true that your life passes before your eyes before you die?"

"Yes"

"Ghastly thought, really." Rincewind shuddered. "Oh gods, I've
just had another one. Suppose I am just about to die abd this is my whole life passing front of my eyes?"

"I think perhaps you do not understand. People's whole lives do pass in
front of their eyes before they die. The process is called 'living'."

Listening is the difference.

2008-04-27T00:09:00.001+08:00

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."

A new day..

2008-04-26T11:44:00.004+08:00

I've just spent nearly 3 hours straight doing this new blogskin, including the designing, the codings, the troubleshooting, the uploading of song, pics... so yeah, it's done. I think I'm gonna stick with this one for a while.

Things have changed rapidly these past few days. Mostly it's been a rough tumble down the peak of happiness for me. Life at home... is very unsettled. Too much tension. I've been seeking refuge at work and with my... hmm.. can't even bear to describe who she is to me. Or at least used to.

I've broken up with Balqis. I think this is the first (and very likely to be the last) time I've mentioned her on the blog. Well, if I don't... it'd be a shame. On her side, she won't dare to speak of me to certain parties. Certain vital, very important people. It'd be as if we never happened. I don't blame her. She can't afford to. So if she won't mention me except to a small group of friends and family, and even then as a secret, then... well, if I don't talk about it, who else would acknowledge the love, the journey, the bliss and the pain we've gone through in almost a year. 18 days short of a year in fact.

It all started out as a birthday treat for her. I've just started getting my Sect Comm pay, so I treated her to an Arnold's Lunch. We then went to play pool, which was a first for her. Mind you, this was our second "date" at that point, the first was when she accompanied me to buy stuff from Beach Road for camp. So after pool, she wanted to go for a foot massage, which happens to be one of her few luxuries.

In the midst of the massage, I saw her glinched a bit. I took a risk; I took her hand, to, erm, support? share the pain? I dunno. Whatever it was, to me, that was the "tie-breaker". After the massage, we walked (hand in hand? can't remember) to Malay village. There, we talked... and talked... about the possibilities. Even back then, she warned me about soo many things - she has dark secrets, she's done bad things in the past, she's not who I think she was, etc... But I guess one thing was... maybe I was desperate. Yet another thing was, this is a chance for me. I did like her, since the day she caught my eye during training. I promised her I would accept her shortcomings. I believe I've kept that promise.

Well that's how it started... How it ended? With me in a short temper... Lost all my patience, waiting for her to sort out the one obstacle to us being together... and so she told me to wait no longer. The first day she told me that... on Wednesday morning.. I spent most of it brimming with anger.. How dare she break up with me? I got more reasons to break up with her!! Then at night, on the way back from a meeting at CCK, I recalled one of the things she said... "secebis kegembiraan,"... I had given her "a little bit of happiness"... That... that broke my heart.

So I asked to meet her again. I was a lot calmer this time around. Tried to convince her to stay with me. Tried to find out why she wanted to break with me. I got my answers. I've found my closure. Saya dah pasrah.

I'm moving on.

Don't feel sad for me. Don't try to console me. I'd be fine. This post... isn't for everyone to know. This post is for me. To record... that once, I loved Balqis and for a while, she loved me too.

Complexing Complication

2008-03-15T08:31:00.004+08:00

*S*C*A*N*D*A*L*

S -ure

C -omplicates

A -nd

N -egatively

D -ominates

A -nyone's

L -ife

If it's plural, just add "S -tupid" to the end of the line.

The acorn does not fall far from the tree.

I sure *love* complicating my life.

"Let's Get Out of here!"

2008-02-05T17:20:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon this Half-Life 2 webcomic parody. Quite funny. It's a spoiler though, as it runs along the HL2 storyline. In a nutshell, it follows the misadventures of Gordon Frohman, a few days or weeks before Gordon Freeman, protagonists of HL2 starts his adventure.

One of the strip really got me LOL-ing. Enjoy! (Link to Concerned.)

Killing birds with Stones?

2008-01-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

Should I change my skin? Perhaps... Maybe... See how...

Anyways, I'm upset. Utterly devastated. Completely disappointed. Lemme tell you if you don't know this by now: I am a Creative fan. When I look for MP3 players, I look for Creative's. As such, I was completely in love with the Zen Stone when it came out (especially its accessories!). If I'm not mistaken, I discovered it prior to Kingone informing me, which is a first since he is my main source of information regarding Creative.

So when my good friends asked what I would like for a birthday present last year, I asked for the relatively cheap $69 1 GB Zen Stone. (Relatively cheap, when you consider the price tag for their prezzies, though I'm not complaining. After all I got what I want, so.. yeah. Happy happy.)

Then... around 2 months later, Creative "silently" unveiled the 2GB Stone Plus. Loaded with more features. That was a heartbreak. Even more "touching" was that it only cost $30 more. another 1gb and screen and timer and menu and whatever other features just for another $30?! What a bargain! What a miss (for me)!

Anyways.. I have long since resigned to this "fate". I still love my black lil Stone. So much so I've completely neglected my 6gb Zen Neeon.

Then today, I decided I wanna buy the Zen's special speakers. So I went to Marina Square with my girl, and true to my prior research, the speakers were $69 (same price as the player itself). So I thought, okay, this was what I wanted anyways so the Sales assistant, picked up the box... and then I realised that there was a Zen Stone in the box as well!

That means : $69 - 1x 1GB Zen Stone + 1x Speaker + Accessories (earphone, batts, etc)

WHAT THE F*%K!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Urgh... Now I'm upset... Yet glad. Hehe... I now have 2 Zen Stones... Bitter-sweet?

Headshot...

2008-01-24T16:55:00.000+08:00

"Enemy Spotted!" "Go go go!" "Report in team!"

Yes... yes... I've restarted my Counter-Strike addiction. Downloaded CS 1.6 and has been killing (and been killed by) bots hours at a time. Even my bro has picked it up again. The virtual rifle. Can't explain it but CS has been the one and only FPS that made such impact to me and most Singaporean boys.

So excuse me if I spend more time gunning down bots... Note, its only for leisure... enjoyment... de-stressing...

Anyways, gtg... Wan's commissioning parade at 6.

Ciao

My new personal logo

2008-01-17T17:21:00.000+08:00

Actually came up with it while at Loyang Fire Post. If you look carefully, it has my name in it (hint: there are more than one way to spell my name :P) Been meaning to do something like this logo for quite a while but never really came up with something good, til now.

My only gripe about this logo... I think I ought to try other colours. My Tr3p_V2 logo has the same colours. Heh, guess it shows my limitations with colours. If anyone has any suggestions as to what colours may look good, I'm all ears.

Words from the Wise

2008-01-17T17:11:00.000+08:00

Here are some quotes that has extra significance to me as a Fire-fighter.

"Chaos is found in abundance where order is being sought. It always win because it's better organised" (Terry Pratchett)
"Chaos happens when the world changes faster than people."
"Malang tak berbau" (literally: Danger has no scent; You can't predict nor foresee it)
"Hidup dan mati di tangan Tuhan" (Life and death is in Allah's hands)

2 most important rules in life:

2008-01-08T14:47:00.001+08:00

1. Do not tell everything you know.

^_^

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mohamad Talhah!

2007-12-10T15:05:00.000+08:00

Hahaha, I found this very funny sh*t on a friend's blog. Note how I used my full name? 'Cos Talhah alone has.. erm, very censored trivia tips, so if you yourself wanna find out, you can type my name in yourself. Or you can put in your own name :)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Mohamad Talhah!

The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Mohamad Talhah.
If you lace Mohamad Talhah from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe!
Mohamad Talhah will often rub up against people to lay his scent and mark his territory.
In Japan, Mohamad Talhah can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government.
US gold coins used to say 'In Mohamad Talhah we trust'!
The canonical hours of the Christian church are matins, lauds, prime, terce, sext, none, Mohamad Talhah and compline!
Mohamad Talhah can live for up to a week without a head!
Over 46,000 pieces of Mohamad Talhah float on every square mile of ocean.
If you chew gum while peeling Mohamad Talhah then it will stop you from crying.
Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into Mohamad Talhah!

A losing week

2007-12-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

I am upset. Arsenal lost to Boro. 2-0 somemore. First loss, first game without a goal. Some would say they were under-strength what with Fabregas, Hleb, Van Persie all out injured, but I still harboured hope they'd still get the result.

Credit to Boro though. First game where Arsenal did not dominate the preceedings this season. I think too many of the players tried to step into Cesc's and Hleb's shoes, as in trying to put in the perfect pass. They should have played their own way. Ah well, there goes the unbeaten record. Still, the League is still within grasp and I reckon when the team's back in full strength tehy may go all the way.

In another sport I like, another team is losing, dropping like flies all over the place. The Singapore Silat team in the SEA games are down to one last fighter, the Captain, Rafili, who remains because he's the only one yet to fight. So far Singapore records only one win in all their matches, and even that winner has lost at the Semi-final stage.

So much for targetting 3 golds.

Is it because the team's mediocre? Is it the coaches' fault? Are the officials prejudiced against them? Were the opposition too strong?

For the last one, I'd say probably yes. Why not? Forget about the World Championship. Ask any of the major Silat teams in the region and they'd tell you they've got their sights on SEA Games Gold. one way to look at World Champ is, it's personal glory. You get the title, hurray! But SEA Games... SEA Games is more important.

Every medal contributes to the nation's medal tally. It influences the nation's standing, so national pride is really at stake here. How much an NSA is funded is largely down to their performance in SEA Games and other major tournament. (Not only in Singapore but other nations too) Furthermore, the nation's eyes are on you.

Yet the Silat team has been so below par this year. Is anything I'm saying wrong? Am I angering anyone with my comments? They only sting because they're true.

Though to be honest, the results were not unexpected and instead of feeling disappointed I feel vindicated.

[Insert Title Here]

2007-11-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

It's getting harder and harder for me to maintain this blog i.e. update frequently. I spend 24 hours operational and what I can declare about my work experience is restricted/limited. I only completely finish work around 10am. My 2 days off is mostly spent with HER, SP Silat, TS, returning to station for something (e.g. IPPT, cover MC), playing the PS2, spending time with family... Even for the increasingly *rare* times I use the PC, my mind is too exhausted for any reflections.

But this is my domain on the Net, my 'lil corner in the webverse where I'm the dictator, I'm the sun that the universe revolves around! I'll never give up my Blog! NEVER!! Muahahahacoughcoughwheeze.. Okay okay, I'll deactivate my "Maniac Tyrant" mode..

On a serious note, back in a relationship, having someone to talk to, confide, share your life.. kinda makes this blog a bit redundant. I'm not the kind who'll post some thesis, philosophy, rhetoric or any of those kind of intellectually-profound... stuff(I assure you, I'm not against any of this things, I'm just not into it). Neither am I *too* fond of posting emo-laden entry.

I'm me. I like to keep most of my thoughts to myself. Yeah, sometimes there are somethings I just got to air out. That's where this blog comes in. Then again, I've got a good bunch of friends I can rant to (hehe..), and then there's her... so ya... I'm often left with little to actually post in the blog.

The only constant in life is change. Read that somewhere. Damn true. Two really good friends of mine, who I honestly thought had an awesome relationship, have now broken up. The guy has yet to even tell me. Precedents dictate that I'd hold a grudge against him, insulted that I had to find out from other parties.. but I don't want to. Yet, it's hard. I'm upset with him 'cos they were like a model couple for me. I wanted to emulate them... then that image has been vapourised, just like that.

Heh, and I'm just the friend. Think about the girl... break-ups are never easy.

Work-wise, since the last post, have finally turned out for a full-blown fire. Apparently the unit on fire was directly above the house of one of my Poly Lecturers. Nice(?) coincidence. Oh, seen my 1st dead body on the job too. Thank Allah it was not too gory, but Insya-Allah, should I encounter a worse scenario, I'd handle it well.

I did go to Kuantan for the World Champs. Honestly, it didn't meet my expectations. Heard that someone commented it was more like a "Kampung" kind of competition, in terms of crowd, atmosphere... Very true. I'd like to say I don't have any opinions about Singapore's performance, but by saying that, you'd know I do have a negative opinion. Hehe.. Well, sorry to disappoint but you're not gonna get any bashings from me. (At least not online..) Still, did come back with "somethings"... Insya-Allah, I'd benefit from the experience.

Oh ya.. I love my bike. Hehe.. Vroooooom...

'Til next time... whenever that is..

Salam Aidilfitri

2007-10-17T09:22:00.000+08:00

I love having my own bike. The more I read, the more confident a rider I become (naturally). Though that doesn't mean I don't make silly mistakes now and then, but when I do commit them, I learn what I can or cannot do with my big red bike. (big in size only.. small in power :P)

Hmm, I applied for leave on the 24th, so that I may go to Kuantan to watch the 13th World Pencak Silat Championships. However, it is very likely I may end up going alone. Still very unsure what I want to do. My dad says I could stay in his room as well, so perhaps accomodation is settled. Getting there and coming back is another question, as well as whether I have enough "spare" cash for my trip. Gotta decide soon though, 'cos if I am going, the earliest I could leave is on Monday.

Oh ya, have not posted an Aidilfitri post yet. Haha, crazy seh this year. 16 houses in the first 2 days, then work the next. Haha.. first time giving out green packets. Wonder when will I go visiting with my friends...

To everyone I cherish, as well as those I do not, particularly those who actually read this blog of mine, I would like to apologise and seek your forgiveness for any misdeeds and wrongdoings I've committed against you, be it consciously or otherwise. Though it is humbling for the wrong to seek forgiveness, it is far nobler to forgive the one who did you wrong. Ampun maaf zahir dan batin.

Selamat Aidilfitri semua!

P.s. really like that Aaron Aziz Production music video for Raya... Satu Tahun, Satu Kali, Satu bulan, Seribu erti.... Ewah ewah... hehe.. Don't know which one I'm refering to? Ni lah...

sorry about the quality, this the best i could find on youtube..

Vrooooooooooooom!

2007-10-07T16:03:00.001+08:00

Hey hey hey! Seems like October's slowly turning into the "Happy Month" for me. 2 days shy of that day, I've finally gotten my bike! The Bajaj Pulsar, 180cc, wine red.. spent Thursday night riding around the carpark to regain my rusty riding skills, what with not riding a bike since... nearly 2 years!

So far so good. I have been able to handle the bike thus far. Spent Friday morning riding around Bedok Central doing some errands, went home to rest a bit before riding to Masjid Siglap with my bro. Must ride as much as possible, so as to gain more and more experience, confidence. After solat, rode to Ah boy's shop to buy the road tax cover then went home.

I had a very simple ride to work the next day. Quite cool to be riding to work, though I was waaay too early. Hehe.. Went to firepost yesterday and when I returned to station this morning, I wasn't too surprised to find my bike "missing". The guys did something similar with Khairudin's bike when he first brought it to station, so why should I get different treatment? What I was surprised by was when I finally found my hiding bike, apparently they hid Khairudin's bike as well!

Alhamdulillah, I've finally achieved this goal of mine. Next up: Class 3 licence, then *ahem* save utk kahwin, Insya Allah! Haha..

Ramadan is here!!

2007-09-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

Seriously though, I'd like to know who really wants me to update my blog? Who wants to really know what's been happening in my life?

Well, lately, not much, mostly mundane, with a sprinkle of excitement.

See, most of the time (I'm sure I've mentioned this before) I just can't be bothered to post on my off days, 'cos either I'm too tired, got other things planned or whatever. After 24 hours of work and 48 hours of "leisure" before reporting in again, blogging just isn't a big priority to me.

In any case, most of my days are spent at home, entertaining my darling Aqilah. Heh, even when I'm asleep, knocked out after a tiring day at work, she amuses herself by climbing all over my dozing self.

Oh, I bought a new phone. Samsung Z720. Just in time too. My old phone's screen was starting to go kaput so I checked, found out I was eligible for an upgrade. In fact, the very moment I arrived home with my new HP, the old one... just won't start anymore. Nice timing. Bad news is some stuff in the old phone can't be transferred, just like some of my cheeky Ramadan forwarded SMSes... Hehehe..

Alhamdulillah, this year for Ramadan, so far I've been able to carry out my duties as a Muslim to my best abilities. I've got my goals for this year, and so far I've been able to achieve my main goals. Alhamdulillah, I've been able to endure the routine at work, able to endure the thirst and hunger despite the kind of stuff we do in station. So far that is... so syukur alhamdulillah..

Side note, have yet to go Geylang. Dunno if I even want to this year. Just feel... tired... must be the station work.. haha..

My life ain't all rainbows, butterflies and rolling hills and all that at the moment, but I'm satisfied. It's not easy, but it's manageable. Still I gotta admit, I miss some of my friends (hinthintwastehinthint) but I understand it's real hard to meet up with most of them, what with our differing schedules and lifestyles. Just because I don't contact anyone don't mean I don't care anymore.

Sheesh... tomorrow's another 24 hours. Didn't help that I had to return to station early for a physical recall. Ah well... NS mah... haha.. ciao..

Oh, and selamat berpuasa semua! Semoga amal ibadahmu dalam bulan ini diterima oleh Allah s.w.t.!

Seumpama rama-rama

2007-08-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

Wah rabak ah gua... one month one post... haha.. but seriously nothing much to post. Firecall tetap ada firecall. Busy tetap busy. Happy tetap happy, sedih tetap sedih.

I guess it's the norm that most people would usually blog about... erm, things worth remembering. Be it something that really got them hot and bothered, them super-pissed off, really ecstatic.. At least it holds true for me ah.

Lately, I've been living happily. Okay, mostly satisfied. Happy with the status quo. Ya, I do wish some things are better, but I am still very happy with my situation right now, be it at work, training, personal life..

I'm ranting.. I noe... I can't help it. I'm kinda tired; had SP training earlier. About to be midnight, tomorrow's working... Ooooh... I'm so flatulent tonight... *Sniffs*... urgh...

I guess I was cooling down for the day... you know, scrolling through the channels (on TV) when I stopped at MTV Jus. I usually don't watch Jus, not really into Malay songs.. Ya, I've got my favourites... Sheila On 7, Mrs Datuk K, Ella, Project Pop, M. Nasir.. Anyways, I just don't watch Jus. Whenever MTV plays MTV Jus, I just switch channels.

Yet tonight, when I was channel-surfing, I stumbled upon this Malay video. I have to admit, 1st thing to stop me from changing the channel was the pretty lady on the video (she was decently dressed, so no, I'm not that perverted >.<). Then I was like thinking to myself, hmm, why are there butterflies in the video... I was critiqueing the video.. Then I starting listening to the music itself... thought, hey not too bad... before I know it I was hooked... As I listen more and more of the song, I was thinking... hmm.. this girl sounds like Ella... but she looks so young and Ella is 40+.. and so I waited til the end of the video to confirm the singer and song title.. and it IS! I got my butt off the floor, made a beeline for the PC and got TWO sources to download the song for me. Haha... Well, now I've played this song perhaps 5 times, not including when I watched the video on TV.. anyways, for you guys, here's the video... hehe.. You know, guess this song's title quite fitting for my blogs... for I post quite flittingly, just like a butterfly.. (If that sounds wrong.... like I said, bed beckons, head off-track... heh)

Update: I'm Alive

2007-07-25T12:04:00.000+08:00

Things have changed drastically since my last post 2 months back. Yet life for me remains mostly the same. The biggest change, as most people in my life would know by now, is the girl lighting up my life. Well, not that my life was bleak before. She kinda lights up the parts that are dark and empty. It's not smooth sailing (nearly nothing in life is, so why should this be an exception?) but I'm not complaining.

On the Silat front, went to Tanjong Balai, Karimun, Indonesia for the Sijori Championships as a Referee-Juror. Was a good experience, learned a few things and gain new friends. More exposure to the global Silat fraternity although this was/is a regional competition.

I've also decided to take a more active role in SP Silat. About time. Hopefully, our team will have better preparations for the IVP this year round.

What about TS? I dunno.. seem to have lost my enthusiasm a while back and yet to recover. It's got something to do with NS and TS now having more instructors and me being tired of all the political BS. Well, our next event is the Festival Temasek and I'm in charge of Publication again so hope I can do a similar or better job this year.

Fire station life has been okay. No major incidents for me yet. Most of the lifestyle I've gotten used to but I guess I still got lots to learn, be it from the NSFs and the Veterans.. Especially if I really wanna sign on..

Oh, and I ought to start a training regime for myself. Been slacking too much, nearly regaining the 'figure' I had pre-NS. Ah well..

I've been Stone™d

2007-05-26T09:29:00.000+08:00

I bet Kingone's gonna love me when he reads this post.

I now have every thing Creative's got for the Zen Stone. (Checklist based on the webpage Creative has for Zen Stone)
Zen Stone? Checked, birthday present from my beloved WASTE buddies.
Zen Stone silicone skin with clip? Checked.
Zen Stone armband and skin? Checked.
Zen Stone keychain case? Checked.
Earphones ? Erm, not necessary, considering the Zen Stone comes with one already, and I also bought a wireless Creative headphone recently.

Now, why am I so crazy about Zen stone? I have no idea myself. Haha.. In any case I was able to buy the accessories yesterday because of the ongoing Creative sale. So if anyone's interested to get some Creative stuff, this is the right time.

Boiling Point

2007-05-26T09:22:00.000+08:00

What does it say of a girl if she says she will decide if she'll stead with you when she has seen you lose your temper? In other words, she decides based on your anger.

What if I never lose my cool? What if I prove too patient?

I am in love.

Adakah cinta perlukan sebab?

2007-05-26T09:18:00.000+08:00

Dalam satu kisah percintaan yang menarik. Sepasang suami isteri berjalandi tepi sebuah tasik yang indah. Kemudian mereka berhenti di sebuah bangku yang disediakan di tepi tasik. Kemudian si isteri bertanya kepada sisuami. Ini dialog mereka

Isteri : Mengapa abang menyukai saya? Mengapa abang cintakan saya?

Suami : Abang tidak boleh menerangkan sebabnya, namun begitu abang memang menyayangi dan mencintai Sayang!I

steri : Abang tak boleh terangkan sebabnya? Bagaimana abang boleh katakan abang sayang dan cintakan saya sedangkan abang tidak boleh menerangkannya.

Suami : Betul! Abang tak tahu sebabnya tetapi abang boleh buktikan bahawa abang memang cintakan Sayang!

Isteri : Tak boleh beri bukti! Tidak! Saya hendak abang terangkan kepada saya sebabnya. Kawan-kawan saya yang lain yang mempunyai suami dan teman lelaki, semuanya tahu menerangkan mengapa mereka mencintai. Dalam bentuk puisi dan syair lagi. Namun begitu abang tidak boleh terangkan sebabnya

Si suami menarik nafas panjang dan dia berkata "Baiklah! Abang mencintai Sayang sebab sayang cantik, mempunyai suara yang merdu, penyayang dan mengingati abang selalu. Abang juga sukakan senyuman manis dan setiap tapak Sayang melangkah, di situlah cinta Abang bersama Sayang!"

Si isteri tersenyum dan berpuas hati dengan penerangan suaminya tadi.Namun begitu selang beberapa hari si isteri mengalami kemalangan dan koma.

Si suami amat bersedih dan menulis sepucuk surat kepada isterinya yangdisayangi. Surat itu diletakkan di sebelah katil isterinya di hospital. Surat tersebut berbunyi begini :

"Sayang! Jika disebabkan suara aku mencintai mu... sekarang bolehkah engkau bersuara? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu. Jika disebabkan kasih sayang dan ingatan aku mencintai mu...sekarang bolehkah engkaumenunjukkannya? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu. Jika disebabkan senyuman aku mencintai mu... sekarang bolehkah engkau tersenyum? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu. Jika disebabkan setiap langkah aku mencintai mu.... sekarang bolehkah engkau melangkah? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu.

Jika cinta memerlukan sebabnya, seperti sekarang, aku tidak mempunyai sebab mencintai mu lagi. Adakah cinta memerlukan sebab? Tidak! Aku masih mencintai mu dulu, kini, selamanya dan cinta tidak perlu ada sebab. Kadangkala perkara tercantik dan terbaik di dunia tidak boleh dilihat, dipegang. Namun begitu... ia boleh dirasai dalam hati."

~From an e-mail..

The Number 2

2007-05-23T09:48:00.000+08:00

Watched Jim Carrey's "The Number 23"? Even if you have not, like me, you would have have heard about the movie. Mostly it's about how Jim Carrey's character keep seeing the number 23 in everywhere.

Recently I realised, hey, the number 2 resonates a lot in my life. I'm my dad's 2nd son. the highest I got for exams and tests was 2nd in class. I got more silver medals than gold or bronze (only 1 gold and 1 bronze thus far). When I was in Pri 3 and started going to madrasah, I took the bus 2 and 24 to go for the classes. 24 - a multiple of 2. Some of my best years in primary school was in primary 5 and 6, in class 5/2 and 6/2.

Tanjong Katong Sec was my 2nd option after Victoria. At TK, I was in 1B and 2B. B- 2nd letter in the alphabets. What about Poly? My class is DMC 02. Hmm.. Enter NS. Posted into 101 intake. 1+0+1 = 2. Bravo Company, platoon 6. Bravo = B = 2nd letter. 6 = multiple of 2.

Posted to 23rd ERS Rota 2. ROTA 2... My rota got 2nd placing in the firemanship challenge. I got silver for my last IPPT. I was posted to Changi Fire Station, a.k.a. Station 22. Two-two. Oh, and guess what.. I'm in Rota 2.

Coincidence... or significant?

Or am I just seeing something in nothing? Haha..

Remembering 21

2007-05-23T09:38:00.000+08:00

Haha touching.. my previous post with only a title but no content.. I actually wrote something lengthy to "last" for a few days but somehow or other the words... disappears! GASP!

But it's cool. So. This year, most people don't know my birthday had come and gone but those who knew made it special this year. And someone actually made it very very very, exceptionally special for me.

A typical family dinner on the birthday night. It being on a weekday night and I had just got off work that morning, it was a relatively quiet affair. No matter, as long as most of my family members were there. Well, specifically the family on my father's side. Most, since some had other engagements but I'm cool about it. Heh, I'm 21 you know, this don't matter as much anymore.

My fellow WASTE peeps. I really treasure our bonds. It's been a while since we gathered, what with the boys busy with NS and the girls working.. So I decided, hey, I wanna celebrate my birthday with you guys so I came up with a sure-fire strategy :blanja makan. Haha.. Admit it, it worked. Well it was a fun night :-) Glad to see you guys again.

I feel like my life is truly in a new chapter. I feel alive. Lately, when people asked me this particular question, my answer is "Not yet." Yet, I hope, I wish, soon, later, whenever, I can reply, "YES." Help me make that come true... :-)

Another candle on the cake.

2007-05-17T20:18:00.000+08:00

oRang aRab makan pRata gaRing-gaRing..

2007-05-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

I am a Spidey fan. Not as big a fan as many others, but a fan nonetheless. But I didn't watch Spider-Man 3 today. No chance. What with today being a public holiday and no movie companion, I decided I'd go tomorrow. But it still sucks that I didn't watch on the first day. Ah well...

It almost seems like I'm collecting scars and scratches (mostly scratches ah, all minor-minor) from every duty since the sliding pole incident. A bunch of tiny black dots from the sliding pole.. burn? A small scratch from the.. erm... "morning swim" and yesterday, very painful scratch from falling during soccer. The pathetic thing is none of these were inflicted during an actual duty, if you get what I mean. These ain't "battle-scars", these are... erm, scratches.

Maybe you can say I'm lucky. =)

Last duty.. last night in fact, my colleagues were talking... erm, cock. As in talking about nothing. But I remember one.. conversation(?) that I can relate to... One colleague to another, asking about his girlfriend, then he started to talk about the girl's name starting with the letter "R" and how my friend (like myself, but me being too new not much attention was paid to me) can't pronounce "R" well. Malays call it pelat. So the joker teased my friend, "Don't get a girlfriend with the name starting with R, later when you wanna marry you'll have difficulties pronouncing her name during the solemnisation and will have to do it many times!"

Though we all laughed at the comment, I realised that what he said was actually practical. So... does this mean I can't marry any girls with "R" in their name? Hehe.. who knows.. But it does strike a cord with me and makes me wonder.

And yet again I refer back to that one sole quote I actually memorised from Romeo and Juliet, the only quote I armed myself with entering the O levels: "What is in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name will smell as sweet."

What had happened..

2007-04-29T05:48:00.000+08:00

Just for Su, who carried 'Aqilah. ;-)

This is the Singapore-style of sliding down the pole. I'm not so proficient as these people in the video. I don't jump onto the railing, rather, I take my time, make sure my grips are right before sliding down.

In the case of my fall, I was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt. Bad idea. The friction from the pole on my arm (which, if you observed the video carefully, is the only arm on the pole and acts as a brake and support) caused me to think that this was a bad idea and I thought, hey, why don't I switch to the safer "International style" midway. So I let go of the pole... and fell. Fortunately there was some cushion at the bottom or things would have been a lot nastier..

I've learned my lesson. When I'm wearing short sleeves.. I go down like this:

Safe(r).

When dreams are nightmares..

2007-04-29T05:23:00.000+08:00

I've long since resigned myself to having you (or rather, not having you) as one of my deepest regret. Honestly, I do believe I've moved on. I don't think of you as much... but I dream of you too often. How often is too often? More often than dreaming of other people is too often. Even more often than people I actually have/had relationships with.

And the funny thing is, I have not even seen you in a long while (except for that one time we terserempak at City Hall).

Aiyo... tak senang seh.. It's like my brain, when wanna come up with stories or dreams, resorts to some old, outdated template. Then when I wake up, I get pissed off. With myself. Heh...

Maybe if I were to actually meet Jessica Alba in person, it'd replace the old "format" and then I can dream of Jessica Alba.. and wake up happy. Hehe..

FALL in!!

2007-04-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

Let it be on record that on the 24th of April, 2007, I fell down the 3-storey sliding pole at Changi Fire station.

Don't worry, I'm still alive. No scratches, no fractures, no anything, except a bruised quadricep and ego. Well, the ego part, not really. When I landed I was so relieved to escape "unscathed" that shock and paranoia and whatever other negative emotion did not get their chance to present their cases to my brain. I think it was the adrenaline.

If you really, really want to know what happened, you'll call me. As for me, I learned my mistake (short sleeve t-shirts and Singapore-style is a volatile mixture) and no, this will not hinder me from going down the pole. In fact, if I do have the chance to slide down, I will take it.. but I'd think twice which way to go.

I'm fine. Really. =)

Just because I have to update..

2007-04-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

Been a while. What is there for me to update? There's a limit to what one can disclose about their work within the force and that is if there is even anything significant to talk about. In any case, so far so good in station. Many, many things to learn and many, many things to adapt to. Initially I thought, hey, one day work, 2 days off, that's quite a lot of free time.

But you don't really have that much free time if you knock off from work late, go home, sleep, wake up late afternoon/early evening, no plans for the night, slack at home... so one day burn. Then when you are actually up for something to do, your friends are all working. So it ain't such a perfect lifestyle after all.

Yet, I can't complain too much. I used most of these "opportunities" to entertain 'Aqilah, go for trainings (IVP is coming! ARGH!!), go to the library to borrow books to read, play games, etc.. I can't help but feel that despite all the good things going for me so far, there's something missing.

Ever watched that Richard Gere-Jennifer Lopez dance movie? Shall we dance or something? There was one part where the P.I. asked Gere's wife, why do people marry or something like that. Can't recall completely what is the actual quote but the sum of it is something like.. "people marry, not because of love or whatever, but because they want someone to witness and share their lives." Something like that...

I guess that kinda explains why many people say their partner "completes" them. When you have a significant other, you are significant to at least that one person. Your life is not a waste, so to speak. You are not alone, per se. And yes, I'm ranting. Can't help it. Yet to sleep since logging out of work this morning.

I think that's enough thought for the day. I'm probably gonna regret ranting on and on like a drunk (which I'm not, duh!) but meh, I'm bored.

Night.

K.O.-ed Talhah

2007-04-11T07:57:00.000+08:00

Wow, I'm so wiped out! Did not expect myself to be this drained! And this was only my 1st day!

Went to Kak's home for lunch, helped her with the notebook problem, then, before I realised it, I was asleep in front of the computer(s). Woke up because 'Aqilah was up. PLayed with her a little bit, then, fell asleep in the guest room... all the way til 7.

Guess that means I've got to watch my activities during the rest days and make sure I do get rests.

1st DAY!

2007-04-10T11:21:00.000+08:00

Let me share with you something from my past. As in way waaaay back in my past. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, the very day (or day before, depending on when you consider the story's beginning... or something) I was born. Yes, my birthday.

You see, I was born in the fasting month of Ramadhan. 7th day, in fact. Makes it super easy to remember my 'other' birthday so some years I celebrate birthdays twice... but that's not the story.

Anyways, Mom was already in hospital, so my Dad, at home, cooked porridge to break fast. Then he locked up and went to the hospital. Me being his firstborn, even my Dad readily admitted to being panicky that day.

I was born on ** May, yada yada... So for some reason which I either can't remember or no one told me, my Grandmother went to our old home at Blk 53 New Upper Changi Road. What greeted her were firefighters who had already broke into the house... to put out the fire my Dad left on when he left for the Hospital. Heh, what a way to announce your entry into the world, make your Dad burn nearly the entire kitchen..

So why am I recalling this now? Yesterday was my 1st duty at the fire station. (Did I mention I passed out and am now posted to an eastern Fire Station?) At first I wasn't attached to any vehicles or appliances as they call them in the force but after lunch I joined the DO Pump ladder crew (a.k.a your typical fire engine).

My very very first fire call was in fact, an unattended cooking. Admittedly, I did little but it is still my first turn out. The second was a false alarm of, yup, unattended cooking.

Great irony huh? Welcome to the World: oh, look Dad left the stove on. Welcome to Fire Fighting: here, go deal with unattended cookings.

Life's just filled with coincidences and surprises, no?

First Joke of the Day

2007-04-05T11:01:00.001+08:00

"Iran is going to build an island just for women who want to go on vacation. No men will be allowed on the island. Which leads to the question, 'If something goes wrong, whose fault will it be?'" -Jay Leno

Be careful...

2007-04-05T10:57:00.000+08:00

"When I'm driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children." --Jonathan Katz

I'm not lying...

2007-04-05T10:53:00.001+08:00

"I can't believe she said I was a liar. Sure I make random stuff up, but I'm not a liar." --Overheard at Starbucks.

Here's one for the army boys!

2007-04-05T10:51:00.000+08:00

While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was.

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."

[Borrowed from Reader's Digest.]

The girl in my life right now..

2007-04-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

I think people reading my blogs, people who know me, knows that I'm single. Yet, that doesn't mean I don't have any girls in my life right now. In fact, I do. She's really cute, she finds me interesting and she always lighten up my day.

Why, are you so surprised that I have quietly been seeing this girl without the knowledge of my friends? Well, don't be. I do tell you guys about her. And yes, I do love her. In fact, I have a picture of her right here with me.

The girl? My niece, Nur'aqilah. =)

Let the pictures tell the story..

2007-04-02T09:27:00.000+08:00

Goodbye Dorm 11... and 23rd ERSC..

POC Ooooi!

A quick update.

2007-03-25T14:35:00.000+08:00

You know, I think there's a coding somewhere within Titan Quest that will cause it to suddenly shut down after a period of time. Sorta like a timer, so that I won't play too much. Seriously, it happens so many times already. But honestly, I can't really complain. Admittedly, I can be very addicted to games and play for hours so when TQ does its forced quit, I quickly, erm, get on with my life.. like right now, blogging, and go makan KFC :D

Yes, yes, I'm gonna P.O.C. next week! Woot! Finally! After 6 months of training (I nearly used the word 'hell' but that'd be a lie since I did have enjoyable moments), I am gonna pass out! I actually got silver for IPPT on friday so that means besides SOC (for which I do not know my timing) I have achieved all the requirements necessary to pass out. Yippee!

Don't tell anyone, but I think I'm turning into a Bittorrent fan.. downloading and downloading... erm stuff. Mostly the Heroes series. Nearly gonna have all 18 episodes. Wonder why they stopped at 18 currently, only continuing in the middle of April. Anyways, its a great series so go catch it, ya?

Oh ya, another thing that's been eating my freetime is my small, never-ending project - the Tapak Suci Website. My current approach is to use blogger since it can conveniently update or post news. Something easy to use, especially for Bang Syah. But hopefully this is a temporary option. In any case, I did a lot changes thus far so if you wanna take a look click: http://ts-sg1988.blogspot.com. Lemme noe what you think, I greatly appreciate any feedback.

Ok I gotta go, KFC beckons and I hunger!

Good Morning Station 21..

2007-03-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

Just finished my station attachment. Erm, don't think I'm allowed to disclose too much details but it was an eye-opener. Didn't have any activations so stayed in station all the way. At least now I have a rough idea how station life is like. Has its plus and minus so I guess now I won't be too petty about my posting later. Realised that whatever posting I get, I just do the job and don't get into trouble. Yup.

Later will go for the ambulance attachment. Haha, sure to be more busy. Yesterday ambulance much busier than fire side, so can expect something similar tonight. Then again, Murphy's Law has greater application in Fire Stations - Always, always, always expect the unexpected.

2 more weeks to POC!! W000oOt!

Getting up... for the last lap..

2007-03-11T14:11:00.000+08:00

Wah siong ah! The past week has truly pushed me to my EXTREME limit! SOC on Monday (near-vomitting condition at the end of the run), then Field Exercises all the way til Friday, with IPPT on Wednesday morning.

You know, I'm utterly glad I didn't decide to sign on impulsively. These field exercises has revealed just how ready am I to be a fire fighter... and whether I can make it. Some exercises I did okay, others I was an embarrassment, I readily admit.

Next week, meaning tomorrow, is another week full of exercises, with some Final Exs thrown in as well. Oh ya, I also have a theory test tomorrow for which I have yet to study. Haha.. die lah. But you know what, having gone through last week, I'm determine to put on a better performance. I mean, hell if I am not gonna pass out after 6 months just because I did badly in the last couple of weeks!!

A side note, I'm gonna have my station attachment this weekend. Sian. Weekend burn. Unless I go watch "300" today, I'd consider this weekend burnt as well. Been trying to rest as much as I can but my parents keep insisting on waking me up early. I mean, come on lah, can't you try to understand that life in camp ain't a walk in the park?

Oh, and I've started watching Heroes. A good show. Haha, I dunno what to say lah, just that I'm enjoying it. In fact, that's what's been eating my weekend away so far. Playing Titan Quest too. Heh, now I wanna go watch 300. Boring eh my life?

Okay, now wanna pack my stuff then "book out" from my home. Boo!

4 more weeks to POC..

2007-03-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

Starting next week, I'm gonna start all my field exercises. Before I'd even realise it, Final Exercises will come slamming down hard. It's the final stretch. I can see the finishing line over the horizon.

We've been slacking so much lately I am slightly fearful I may forget even the most basic of tasks. Yet I can't wait. This is the time where we'll see the results of all our trainings. This is the time which will define whether (quoting a certain Encik) "we're not fit to be ERS" or we do.

In case the next few weeks I can't be contacted or just can't seem to find the time to go out, please understand. It's gonna be tough and I wanna triumph. I will go all the way. Do what I must and beyond. If that means exhausting myself to the point where my weekends are used up by sleeping, so be it.

This, to me, is the turning point. This will be one of the times which I would refer to when the time comes to make a decision about my future. Pray for me, eh?

By the way, my passing out ceremony is on the 28th of March. Unfortunately, we're only allowed to invite our parents. It's ok. Just to let you guys know.

Anxious. Excited. Worried. Eager. Indifferent.

Ready.

Guaranteed to make your eyes roll

2007-02-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles

Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.