Talhah's Blog

Perhaps the people who really know me would know that I don't like to complain about LIFE in general. Sure, I may and would complain about say, difficulties, stupidity, rudeness and whatever intolerable nonsense human beings can spew out but I try to draw the line on grumbling things like "life's a bitch", "that is sooo unfair", etc.

Even when people complain about Life in General (LIG) they may or may not notice but I only retain perhaps 50 or 60% of what they say. I know I know, I'm a bastard but hear me out. To me, complaining about LIG, the trials and tribulations you face is as good as you complaining about your God. To me, you're telling me, hey, my God(s) is/are so unfair or cruel or evil or whatever to me, He/She/They are setting me up. They hate me. Yes, to me, thats what complaining about LIG constitutes.

From what meagre understanding I have about my religion, I understand that I ought to strive towards being a patient being and never question my God, for who am I if not his humble servant?

Yet, this week I find myself downtrodden. I see my world crumbling. I feel a whole new and heavy burden upon me. I thought, hey I've gotten my SCDF letter, YEs ah! now I don't need to worry about if and when my NS letter is coming but then I got screwed by circumstances and fortune.

Suddenly the job scope of the eldest son is redefined.

My only escape now is swimming. Wash away my problems. Swim away from my burden albeit for a few hours. Get exhausted, so exhausted that my mind won't think about my problem. Yes, I had nothing to do with it yet it has chosen to make itself my problem. Alas, my mind may be tired but my heart is still caged, weighed down by this shadow of an impending doom.

If I react differently the next few days, forgive me, for I have my troubles. It's not you, it's me.(ceh step nak break up seh.. soal nye dengan siapa sih?)

I have much to think about, to think about things I don't want to think about but nevertheless I must try to solve though technically it is not my problem and very little I do can eradicate these troubles.