Bismillah..
I don't usually start my posts with a basmallah.. But for this matter I really find I need His guidance heavily.
I don't like anger. I have had very very bad experiences when it comes to anger. Then again, who doesn't? But those episodes have stuck to me until today. They were some of the most defining moments of my life.
When I was younger, I now realise I was very competitive with my brother. Quite natural, us being only a year apart. As my mom like to say, during good times, we're the best of friends, during the bad, we're the worst of rivals. At one point I used to say that my brother is the only person I openly express my anger at. Others, I either try to quell it or express it subtly or discreetly.
But lately I have felt much anger. And I'm pissed off about it. 'Cos I don't like being angry. So ya, I'm angry about being angry. Nonsense.
Ok to cut the story short. I heard something unpleasant today. It really destroyed my mood. I was very tempted to confront and resolve the matter immediately. Get it out and get it over with. I was very certain to go through with it even though I knew the consequences would be irreversible.
Then I fetched my mom from her trip to KL. As she talked about the fun she had during the trip, my anger subsided. I recall reading somewhere that if you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, you just gotta counter it with some positive ones. In this case, my mom's happy mood cooled me down enough to reconsider my course of action.
I'm still pissed. But.. I won't be confrontational about it.
Whenever something upsets or angers me alot, I try to step back and look at the big picture again. Why am I doing or involved in that matter that led to the anguish? Is it worth it? If it isn't, I'll back out. Life's too short to fight over trivial matters.
I know my own priorities. It may not be the 'right' priorities but they are mine. This is my decision. I'll stick to it.
At the end of the day life's just a trial, a test of our character. I hope I can pass it well.
Just cos my horoscopes are the tauros and tiger doesn't mean I have to have short tempers. I will do better.
Labels: angry
