Admittedly, I am shaken, I am spooked. Far too many, far too often. I'm tempted to wallow in my regrets and despair.. But I won't. I've got to move on. I can't control my dreams but I can and will control my emotions.

It's not as if I could change anything.

When I met Ghani and Su (and lil Rayyan!) on Sunday, he asked me if I was okay. Twice. Not "how are you?" or "how have you been?". No, it was more of "kau okay? Everything okay?". Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe that's his mannerism. But in one of my previous dreams he did intervene. And the look he had when he asked me if I was okay.. Again I might be implying something that wasn't there.

So am I okay?

I still dream of her. I continue with my life. I still have smiles and laughter in my life. I am currently contented with how my life is unfolding. I feel jealous looking at my married peers yet can't picture myself in a married life. I still dream of her. I don't talk to her. Silat keeps me busy, keeps me challenged, keeps me contented. Riding my bike is awesome. I met someone new. I have good friends.

Yet, I still dream of her.

So, what do you think? Am I okay?

I am fine. As always.

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